Finding Myself
by Tashay789
Summary: -HIATUS- What happens when a woman goes through a tragic ordeal and suddenly changes herself to makes all her past memories go away. When she meets a man who wants to help her, will she accept him and herself?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here's another story I've been working on. So tell me what you think of it. It's All Human and it's a different kinda of Renesmee and Jacob for me, so tell me if you want more of this. **

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_Prologue_

"Ren! Get in the god damn car!" He screamed, as I ran out of the running car. I was so stupid to even get in there the first place. I've been making stupid decisions ever since that tragic accident happened over two years ago. It still hurts to this day what had happened. I'll never look at myself the same again.

"Damn it, Ren! Stop this stupid shit! Where the hell are you going to go?" I just kept on pushing my legs harder to get further away from him, Felix...He's been the one who got me back on my feet, and not in a good way. I was in the major need of some cash, since I spend all my money on college that sure as hell didn't work out the way I planned.

He was always a persistent son of a bitch and I knew what I was getting myself into when I signed up. I just really didn't care anymore. He was my boss and I was a stripper making ends meat and I so called had it made that I lived in his place, free rent and utilities. All his asked in return was that I don't sleep with anyone, except him. I was selling myself out when I could have easily go back to school and finish earning my masters, but I didn't I needed an escape. School wasn't an escape and I dropped out of it. I was turning myself inside out. I was no longer that same girl two years ago. I probably never will be.

"Ren! Fucking stop right now! You might be able to run; you sure as hell can't hide." He started to honk his horn like a freaking maniac. All I knew was I couldn't go back with Felix, enough was enough, when it comes to Felix not having everything his way. He would occasionally throw a fit, beat me, or try to force himself on me. I about had it with him, so I tonight I wasn't playing when I said I wasn't going to put up with his shit anymore.

It all started just a few minutes ago...

_"Ren, I thought I told you to stop fucking around with those guys. All they want is your ass." Felix said as he pulled out of Primrose parking lot, the club I strip for._

_"I'm not fucking around with anyone. You know I can't be all bitchy in that type of place. They do pay me, so there isn't a damn thing that you can say." I rolled my eyes at his antics, as if I was sleeping with them. Shit, I didn't even want to sleep with him._

_"Now, isn't the time to not get all smart ass, Ren. You know I don't like that shit." He growled. "Remember what happened last time?" He looked at me with the same anger as the night before when I refused him sex he slapped me around, so shocked by it I didn't have it in me to defend myself._

_"I do actually; there is no reason for you to do it again, because I'm not sleeping around. You sure as hell are, so don't be a fucking hypocrite. I can sleep with whoever I want! You fucking pig!" As soon as those words flew out of my mouth I was hit so hard that my cheek was stinging and throbbing. I saw red and wasn't going to play victim anymore. _

_I grabbed the mace that I recently bought at the convenience store and sprayed him in the face, mostly his eyes and kept throwing punches at him. The car swerved and spun around, if we wasn't on a deserted street we would've got in trouble. As I got my good licks in I got out of the car and ran faster than I ever had in my entire life. I was so done with Felix Canton._

Now here I am running as I fast as I can in my five inch red stilettos, wearing a skimpy piece of lingerie over it was a mid-length black trench coat. Nothing so much out of the ordinary except for what's inside. As I kept running, I was met up with bright lights in my view. Looking around I saw only one car. If I was going to get as far away from Felix, I need to do it fast, but jumping into a car of a stranger was asking for even more trouble.

So frustrated with my decision and the little time I have before Felix spots me, I saw a man come of out the gas station and headed to the only car in the lot. He was handsome I'd give him that, but he was also dressed in a black slacks and a light brown buttoned up shirt. Nice dressed man, sexy even. I shook my head out of that daydream that would never happen. This man might not even help me, but I'll never know unless I try.

I hear Felix's rising yells and picked up my step and ran towards the man adding gas to his car. He must've heard my clicking heels, because I came face to face with his beautiful one. I must look pretty bad, because he face that was once a calm look was switched with a one of concern. I didn't even know how out of breath I was until I stopped running.

"Umm...I'm so… so sorry for dragging you into this, but there is this man that's after me and I was wondering if you could take me to a hotel further away from here." I was so scared that he'll say no, but who could blame him. I was the type of girl that you should run away from. I looked behind me to see if Felix was gaining up on me, but all I can see is an empty alley and his yells, he must've heard them too.

"Get in the car, no one's going to hurt you." he told me in a positive tone.

No questions or warnings... I was so thankful for this man.

My name is now Ren Dwyer. Here's my story.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's another chapter. Um it might seem a little boring to you guys, but it's a chance at letting them get to know each other. I hope you like, because I do and I'm working on the next chapter and will have that one out ASAP. So here you go Chapter two!**

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Quickly I ran to the passenger seat of the man's car and quickly looked over to where Felix's voice was to hear his car approaching the gas station. My heart started to race and the man finished putting gas in his car and quickly hopped in. I was still focused on Felix's car and wondering if he was going to stop or keep going.

"Is that the car you're running away from?" He asked me breaking me out of my stance. I turned to look at him to see that his eyes were a dark brown with a bit of green surrounding them. Perfect eyes he seems to be genuine and full of truth, but what did I know.

"Um...yeah that's Felix. I needed to get away from him. I can't...I can't be near him. I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I can leave if you want." I looked back out the window to see that his car was long gone. I took a deep breath and exhaled that I finally lost him. "He's gone now..."

"No way in hell! You're staying here. I'll make sure you're safe." He said with conviction, but I didn't need his complete safety. I didn't want to be a burden to him.

"It's okay. I'm sure I'll be fine. I just don't want to mess with your life with my problems. I needed him to be gone, so I thank you for what you did." I said as I looked at him and made my way out of the car, when he grabbed my arm gently, but strong enough for me not to go anywhere.

"It's no big deal, you can't trust that he won't come back looking for you. I know that you don't know me, but you can trust that I won't hurt you. Just let me make sure your safe tonight. I can see by the look on your face that you're not so sure about him." He said looking at me with those eyes, waiting for me to say something else, but I didn't and he continued. "To answer your question from before, no you would not ruin my life." He smiled to lighten up the mood.

I was stuck on whether to accept the help from him. I just needed him as a distraction to keep away from Felix, and what he does from time to time. This stranger that I just ran into was ready and willing to help and I was grateful, but at the same time that how Felix was when I first met him. I sure as hell had some bad luck.

"Not to be sound so cliché, but I had the same meeting with Felix when I first met him, and he turned out to be this hitting...he turned out to be someone I didn't expect."

"Well I won't hit you if that's what you're saying. That bastard actually hit you?" He tone rising suddenly and I nodded. "I'm sorry about this, but could you please buckle up, I won't have you going out knowing that he can come back and I'm taking you back to my place no questions asked. Again I'm sorry, but I know how abusive that type can be and I won't have you going back to him." He was shaking while reaching over to buckle my seat belt and locking the doors, and I wasn't afraid, but glad for his determination. I wasn't afraid of him.

He took off into the night, driving in a ridiculous speed to Elm Street. One of the nicest places in this town, but the man was dressed nice so I figured he had a nice paying job or a woman of some sort. I rolled my eyes at that one; if he had someone then why in the hell would he help me?

"So what's your name? You know, since you're being so nice to let me into your home."

"Jacob...Jacob Black. What's yours?" I froze for a minute, should I tell him my real name or tell him my alias? I don't know him and I might not even see him after tonight is over.

"I…uh...my name is Ren Dwyer." I hesitated. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, before focusing back on the road. I couldn't quite understand his expression, but I waved it off.

"You know you can take me to a hotel. I've got plenty cash." He just shook his head and looked apologetic. "I don't mean to come off as a kidnapper, though you're far form a kid. Still I've been through this with one of my friends... siblings and I just can't have that in my radar. If I would've let you out of my sight not knowing if he found you, or someone else. I just can't do that." His hands gripped the steering wheel tight and his face looked strained.

"You don't come off as a kidnapper." I smiled a little. "You look far from it. It's just I don't want to be..."

"Don't say it Ren. You're not a burden; I live alone at my condo. There's nothing to worry about." He made a turn into a very full parking lot, it was almost hard to find a parking space, but he found one. Turned the car off and faced me.

"Have you eaten tonight?"

"No. Just this morning, but you don't have to..."

"Listen...I've got you tonight, alright. Just when we get inside you can take a shower it's just three doors down from the front door, while I get the food prepared. I order some Italian for more than one person. So we can both share." He smiled the first genuine smile of the night.

"Thank you, Jacob so much. This is so sweet of you." I padded his shoulder, cause I really didn't trust myself if I gave him a hug. Not that I was going to jump his bones or anything, I just didn't need that type of thing happening to me at this time.

The car door unlocked and I opened mine and got out of the car. I took in the area we was in and I felt safe. It's weird that I feel this way so quickly, with Felix I had to question him, but I guess I should've questioned more given the situation I'm in now.

Jacob came around the car to look at me, and I was puzzled by his expression. He's been given that look every chance he got. It was sort of weird to say the least.

"You kind of look familiar to me." He said in a questionable tone.

"I do...Oh sorry, but I'm sure I would've remembered you. I never seen you until tonight." I ran my fingers through my straight hair.

"I might be imaging things, because I would've remembered you too. Aah...never mind...Come on let's go, security doesn't really care for people hanging around here at night. They're so called strict." He rolled his eyes. I gave him a small smile as I followed him to the rotating doors of the complex.

The lobby was really nice. As soon as you walk in you see a large crystal chandelier hanging high in the ceiling. It was so beautiful and deserted, he wasn't kidding when he said that they are strict. We made our way to the elevators and he pressed 29. It was quiet on the elevator, he would occasionally look at me and I would do the same, but we didn't speak. Now that we was in a more lighted area I can really get a better look at Jacob. He seems a whole lot older, like around Felix's age which is about 35 or 36. He had grey hair on one side of his head; I wasn't able to see the other side from where I was standing. He was very handsome and muscular. I know now for a fact that I'm attracted to older men and I felt bad knowing that I can't get any further with Jacob. I was going to leave him tonight. I was not going to bring my shit into his life, I don't care what the cost is.

The elevator rang bringing me out of my thoughts as I followed his once again to his home. We walked for about three minutes until we made it, Room 2985. He grabbed his keys out of left shirt pocket and unlocked the door.

"Hope it isn't too dirty for you?" He joked to lighten the mood. He put his right arm out to let me in and I was shocked by how nice, clean, and how good it smells in there. It was very roomy full of Sea grass furniture and beige lamps on each side of them. He had great taste in home furniture that's for sure, or maybe he had help.

"Dirty? Is the wrong term to describe this place. It's beautiful." I walked more into the room still feeling hesitant about being here. I didn't want to overstay my welcome by plopping down on the couch.

"Thanks...Um you can make yourself comfortable. The furniture won't bite." He smirked. I nodded but still didn't sit down; instead I walked over to the huge window over in the back. I stopped in front of it looking at the beautiful view. The neon lights that surrounded New York, it was a very beautiful city to live in.

"It's an awesome view, right?" He asked right behind me. _Right behind me_

"Yeah, you're so lucky to have found this place. Usually the ones like this be already bought, I can imagine you negotiating to make this place as your own." I turned around and softly gasped at how close we were.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I did. Three other people were after this place, but I dropped an offer that they couldn't refuse. Sometimes you have to go long for the things you want in life." He spoke with a hint of desire in his voice, or I was imaging that again. His face suddenly very close to mine, very close I didn't know what to do. His hand reached into my hair to pull out a leaf. I mentally exhaled that it wasn't what I thought it was.

"Sorry about that, it's just I needed to get that leaf out." He chuckled. "Even though the green does go good with your reddish colored hair." He said running his hands through my hair and twirling around a few strands. It was so undeniable this attraction between us, but I wasn't letting myself feel it.

"Um thanks." I was feeling a little awkward at the moment. "So uh...where's your shower again?" I had to get out of that room now, before I do some stupid shit, because Ren is known for doing so stupid shit.

"Oh yeah! Damn I forgot the food too. Um it's just three doors down that hallway. I'll be back with the food and by the time you get out we can eat, okay." He walked over to the table and grabbed his keys.

"Alright." He walked out the door. I took a deep breath and walked three doors down to the bathroom, which was also nice. Double sconces lighted the bathroom on each side of the wall. Double sink console with an expression finish. Shit door shower and on the other side a Jacuzzi bath tub. How it was set up, you would think that it was a fancy hotel bathroom. I stripped out of my trench coat and hung it on the hook beside me, and then I took off my bra and panties and placed them on the toilet seat. Headed into the shower, shut the door and turned on the water. I let the sprayer shower down on me the past few days. The sleaze bags that hit on me on a daily basis, from losing my scholarship from missing classes, to Felix and his uncalled for beatings. I can't believe I let myself get this bad off. I made my life living hell and I really didn't care, I changed myself, moved to a new city and lowered my standards.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

**_So what you think about it?_**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey guys! I want to thank all of you for reviewing, it really means a lot. Makes it seems like I'm doing this for a reason, for those must needed reviews to make the writing better I thank you too. I'm so sorry for not replying to you guys, but I promise to this time. I've been busy and such, but I'm really focused on this story now. I wanna see how it turns out in my head. I really must be a crazy person, for what I have ahead for this story, you guys might've seen or heard of this before... I'm rambling, still I hope you stay tuned. **

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Being in his place really brought some relief to me and my life. It was almost as if it was a vacation away from what I'm doing in life now. I don't even know Jacob and I just want to stay here and just feel free, but I can never feel free knowing what happened. That's it was them not me. I started to cry...crying is what I do when I bring myself remember that part of my pain. I just couldn't, and I won't bring my mind to bringing it up, but sometimes I can't help it.

After spending around 5 minutes just crying under the sprayer, I looked around for some soap or shampoo. What I ended up finding was an almost empty bottle Herbal Essences shampoo. I don't want to think that Jacob has a thing for frilly things, but I think he might've had a woman live here in the past. It wasn't my place to ask him when I got out so I just picked up and the shampoo and used the remainder of it. As I was washing my hair, I hear the door open and Jacob's voice appeared.

"Um Ren? Sorry to barge in like this, but I was wondering if you wanted some clean clothes to sleep in?" I mentally laughed because I didn't have actual clothes with me. I was such in a hurry this morning that I didn't bring any extra.

"Um don't worry about barging in and yeah I like some clothes. Thank you." I called out still washing my hair. I sort of wanted to ask whose shampoo this was, but I didn't want to ask being as it's not my problem.

"Alright, I'm putting them on the sink." That was all I heard before he closed the door. I continued to clean myself up and tried to get myself together before getting out the shower.

I stepped out of the bathroom to see my previous outfit gone, but my little clutch remained on the sink. He must've decided to wash my clothes. He's been so nice tonight for someone I just decided to be my knight in shining armor.

I dried myself off and wrapped my hair in a towel to get as dry as possible and when over to the sink to see the clothes he laid out. It was a buttoned up dress shirt and a pair of boxers. It looks like it belonged to him considering the size. I put the clothes on and walked out the door. I wasn't getting used to the fact that Jacob really had it made with a nice home, nice clothes, and a nice car. I couldn't be the one to mess it up. I stopped dead in my tracks when I forgot my clutch and cell phone in the bathroom.

I went back and retrieved the purse and decided to go through my phone. To see what fate calls for me. I had over 21 missed calls, 10 text messages, and 19 voicemails all from Felix. I know for a fact that I can't run away from him forever. We have to face each other soon or later; him knowing that I had a shift at Primrose tomorrow and I can't afford to miss it. I rubbed my forehead feeling a massive headache coming on from all this drama I did by just running away from him. How can I go back to his place without seeing it hurt and crushed by my actions? What will he do to me? I shut my phone and threw it back into my clutch, I didn't need to read or listen to the messages, because I already know what's coming when I go back.

I took the towel off my head and put it on the hook, and headed out once again with my clutch. Walking over to the kitchen, I saw Jacob about finished putting the meal on the table. There was spaghetti and meatballs with a garnish, breadsticks and salad with Italian dressing. There were also glasses of water on each side of the table. It all looked really good; I haven't had a good looking meal like this in ages.

I leaned over the chair in front of me to get a better smell of it. Jacob looked at me again, with that questionable expression. He didn't even try to redeem himself he just kept on staring at me, it was sort of flattering someone looking at my face instead of looking at my body, but who am I to whine about it.

"What?" I asked sheepishly, throwing the falling hair out of my face.

"It's just you look so much different fresh faced. I didn't even recognize you with your natural curly hair its pretty." He complimented still staring at me.

"Thanks. Yeah I try not to wear my hair natural, because some don't like it." Like Felix, but I won't tell him that.

"Well I like it, makes you looks so much younger that what you are. So um… how old are you anyway?" He sat down on the barstool and began to dig in.

"I'm 21." I replied. Turning my attention to look at Jacob chowing down on that spaghetti. It was so hot how his mouth fit in with that fork, his long tongue lapping out to lick off the remains on his chin. I need help from looking at this complete stranger and feeling like this.

He motioned for me to sit down as he wiped his face. "21? You're even younger than I thought. With all that makeup on I thought you were at least 26. That's why I was staring at you, you look different but in a good way of course." He said gave me a knowing smile, funny for me to say since I've just met him. He dug into his plate, like a dying man needing food, it was great to watch.

"How old are you?" I asked before I spun my spaghetti around my fork.

"36. I probably look older to you don't I?" he smirked and reached over for some salad.

"No you look your age probably a bit younger, but no you don't." I looked over his feature again, couldn't help but look at this man. "So um what happened to my clothes?" I asked feeling kind of shy asking since wasn't the right word to describe what I wore.

"Oh, I put them in the washer? I hope you don't mind?" His cheeks were turning a little red. It was cute to see the color on his russet skin.

"Of course not... You've been nothing, but a gentleman tonight and I can't thank you enough." I smiled and grabbed my fork and put the spaghetti in my mouth. It tasted even better than it smelled.

"This is absolutely delicious where did you get it?"

"I got it at this new restaurant called Convivio. One of my colleagues told me they had the best Italian in town, so I decided to give it a try. You like?" He nodded his head down towards the plate.

"Yes, of course I love it. Hadn't had such a good meal in a while, it's mostly McDonald's and Burger King for me. So…what do you do for a living?" I couldn't help myself looking at him in that dress outfit looking extra delicious; I had to know what his profession is.

"I'm a Cost Analyst at Taconite." Wow! That's the career I was trying to get myself in. I lost my scholarship and couldn't go back to school to finish because I can't afford it. I almost began to panic, I needed to get my head straight, and I can't turn into a basket case right now, not in front of him.

"Really? You must love working in that area. I've heard that it gets pretty hectic with preparing accounts and maintaining accurate inventory standard cost files." I said as I took a sip of water. "Especially, you get to Participate in appropriate Kaizen Events & Lean Projects. It seems interesting what you do." I can't believe that I just said all that.

He chuckled. "Well you know quite a bit about being a cost analyst, you're interested in that?" I panicked. He looked at me kind of weird, great now he probably thinks that I'm a whack-job.

"I'm sorry about that it's just school didn't quite work out for me. It's a long story that I rather not discuss." I rolled my fork around in the spaghetti and placed it in my mouth.

He nodded and when back to his plate. It was complete silence around us, just the sound of chewing, smacking, and swallowing. Talk about awkward situations.

"So what do you do for a living?" Jacob asked. Damn! I was trying to avoid that question, now I've got to come up with a better lie than exotic dancer… _Okay, I've got it_

"I dance for a living. It might not pay much, but it does get me by." Lie…big lie…I get paid very well, considering I'm a head liner at the strip joint. Well sort of I do dance as well as take my clothes off for strange men to see. The job pays for my phone and such things really good pay, but bad outcomes most of the time.

"Really? Where?" _Double damn_

"Um… you know that ballet studio over at 5th street? Well I dance and teach there, for new coming dancers." At least, that wasn't a complete lie. I do sometimes teach new strippers to give them ease. _Ugh, who am I kidding? Like that makes it any better. _

"That's nice…maybe I should…."Then his phone started to ring. Talk about saved by the bell. I exhaled and nodded for him to take it. I was so nervous about those next words that he was about to say. 'Maybe he'll come over and see me in action.' No. That was a hell no! He can't know about me, because Felix might hurt him. No matter how many times I say I'm done with Felix Canton. I know that the type of life I signed up for it's not true.

"What are you doing calling me at this time of night?" He sneered. He looked at me apologetic before taking his call to the far back hallway, but I was still able to hear him.

"No! I said no!"

"Why do you want to keep doing this? It's only going to hurt us more."

"Yeah I know. I'll always love you and you know this it's just..." I knew that a man like him has someone else. There was no doubt about that.

"Listen…I've got to go…Okay, I'll see you around." I overheard him saying fuck and shit a few times before coming back to the table with a ticked off look on his face. I just sat there quiet before he spoke.

"I'm so sorry about that again; it was my ex-girlfriend. She just doesn't know when to quit." He rolled his eyes. "So anyways what we're we talking about? I lost my train of thought." There was no way I was going to bring back up my job. It was just too embarrassing to tell him of all people.

"Um…so sorry about that, but I'm getting kind of tried can we take a rain check on getting to know about one another chosen professions." I faked yawned hoping that he would buy it.

"Yeah…sure, sure. You can sleep in the guest bedroom right next to mine." Damn I was looking for a further away connection from his bedroom. "Is that okay with you?"

"Whatever you choose it's your home." I smiled hoping that he couldn't tell from my fast get away from him figuring out my lifestyle.

"So are you sure that he won't come after you?" He suddenly asked about tonight's previous activities.

"He shouldn't since I won't be coming back to him." I lied. If only I can tell him, but he just wouldn't understand.

"Fine. Hope you have good night." He surprised me by coming over to give me a nice, big hug. It felt so good to have someone hold me like this. It's been quite a while since someone holds me like they actually care. I responded by wrapping my arms around his neck and tried to pull myself even closer, but I was close enough. I could feel that he works out often. Hmmm...I would like to see for myself what his body looks like. We held each other for a while as if we knew each other or as if we were meeting again for the first time in years. Either way, it was soothing.

Jacob gently rubbed his hands up and down my back in a comforting motion, it almost as if he was trying to help me fall asleep. My eyes feeling heavier by the moment as I tried to open them up, but I couldn't. Wondering how it would feel to actually sleep in this man's arms.

"Don't worry, I got you." He whispered. "I'll help you sleep." The raspiness in his voice is enough to take me to such a sweet slumber. It's sad that tomorrow it would be going back to the constant nightmare that is my life.

_If only I could be brave…_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks you guys for the reviews last chapter! Hope you like this one, tell me what you think! Oh and how did you like Eclipse? **

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I stirred a bit in the bed before I was fully awake. The last few hours was the best sleep that I've had in months, but I know that it could've been better if Jacob was in bed with me. I know that's a huge problem in my part to have such strong feelings so early. I can't afford to be feeling like this and I won't feel like this. Jacob is such a sweet guy and I won't have him dragged into my twenty-four hour drama.

I pulled out of the queen sized bed that was wrapped in striped burgundy, white, and black colored comforter and sheets. I took my time to actually admire the guestroom I was in. There was a plasma flat screen television straight ahead from the bed. There was a black cherry wood dresser and bed side tables. I saw an armoire on the stand of the window and a desk. I was still awestruck to his place; it was something straight out of a Pottery Barn catalog. I am still surprised that he was probably the one to decorate all this. What's sad about it is that I won't be able to ask him anything; I had to leave before it's too late.

I hopped out of bed and grabbed my clutch and pulled out my phone to see if there was any more messages. There was an additional 10 from Felix, so I put on a brave face and texted him back.

**I'm okay…**

I sent the message setting my phone on silent and tried to get myself together mentally and physically. I had to get ready to face Felix and I had to leave Jacob without saying a word, it was killing me to do this to him, but he'll be better off. I looked around the room finding ways to keep myself calm at 3:00 in the morning, and that's when I saw my trench coat and the lingerie perfectly folded on the dresser.

_How much harder can he make this for me? _

I groaned as I walked over and retrieve my trench coat and began to take of his shirt and boxers I've been wearing the past few hours. I didn't want to take them off; I was immune to his clothing already. It was in some way funny that I was so attached to him in such a small amount of time. All more ways to leave, I will not get sucked into another man. I can't after all I'm still stuck to Felix. I've got to love what I have, not what I want.

As fast as I could I put on the lingerie and my trench coat and went over to the mirror to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't like what I see, and I probably never will. I grabbed my clutch and pulled out a black eyeliner pencil and some red lipstick and quickly applied it. Felix only like me in makeup hopefully it will melt some ice when I see him. I put them back in my clutch and grabbed the pink blush and quickly put that on and looked over myself again.

I made up the bed and folded the clothes he let me borrow and placed them where I found my things. I stopped by the front door and slowly opened it carefully to not try to make any noise. I softly closed the door and froze to see Jacob's bedroom door wide open.

He was tucked into his bed sleeping soundly as his snores grew louder by the second. I briefly closed my eyes and opened them and felt relief that I didn't wake him. As I still stood there unable to move myself, I really wanted to give him a proper thank you. Considering what I'm doing I can just scratch that off my list. Still I might be doing a stupid thing from what I'm about to do, but I really don't care.

I walked quietly on into his bedroom and stood in front of his bed staring at his beautiful features. He moved a bit to the side and took off most of the comforter off his body including the sheets; I was blinded by the half-naked man that was in front of me. He has a really nice, well-built body. I knew he was built by that hug he gave me before I passed out in his arms. He was a master at putting me to sleep.

I walked over to the right side of the bed and the weirdest thing happened as I moved over, his body turned in the opposite direction to face me. It scared the crap out of me; I hope I didn't awake him.

I made a very risky move by running my thumb across his lips. He seemed to be still, no sudden moves were made, just his mouth slightly opened and closed. Then, I took a huge risk by leaning over to press my lips to his cheek and moved my thumb to his other cheek and spread out my hand to fully cup it.

"Thank you so much Jacob." I whispered. "I'm sorry for leaving like this, but it's for the best. We are both from completely different worlds and I won't harm you by letting you in." I gave his cheek one final kiss then, I quickly made it out of his bedroom.

I felt my chest tighten up, but nothing else came out of it and I was glad. I had no time to cry when I was going back to face Felix. As I was walking out of his front door I made a decision and I don't plan on going back. It was best choice I've made in months; no matter how much it hurts.

I made it out the complex and into the parking lot with no problem. It was still dark out and it was very quiet as long as I didn't make a noise I should be fine. I pulled out my phone to see if Felix text me back, and he did an extra 6 messages.

**What do u mean ur ok?**

**I've been worried sick?**

**How cum u haven't replied?**

**Are u with sum 1?**

**U fucking him aren't u?**

**I'm so sorry about earlier, I won't hit u again?**

That asshole just doesn't know how to pick his stripes does he. One minute he's cool and the next he's ready to bite my head off. His constant mood swings are a bitch and I must be a tough one to deal with it, or maybe stupid. I texted him back that I was staying at the French Quarters Hotel and that I'll be there tomorrow.

**No. I'll come and get u. There's no way I'm leaving u out of my sight.**

I sighed and texted him back okay. I had to face this sooner or later _right… _might as well deal with it now. I walked over to the entrance of the French Quarters and took a seat at the bench. There was no one out here so I should be safe. _That's one word for it. _

I was looking through my phone to past some time, when I heard footsteps approaching. I didn't pay it no mind because I was in a nice neighborhood, where if trouble was lurking the cops would be on it. I then realized that there weren't any cops outdoors, but I should be fine. _Deep breaths _

I opened my eyes to see a man and a woman come into my view looking normal as ever. The man seemed to be checking me out, by puckering his lips up at me. I rolled my eyes seeing nothing out the ordinary again. The woman smacked him upside the head and I heard say 'Why'. After a few more minutes of waiting I saw Felix's car drove up, and I stood there waiting for him to the out of the car, or something. I wasn't going to hurry up and hop in, after what he did tonight.

"Ren, come on I'm sorry for hitting you. I won't do again I swear!" Felix yelled from the car. I immediately stood up and looked around to see that we weren't breaking any disturbing the peace laws.

"Can you lower your fucking voice? People are trying to sleep." I placed my hands on my hips. "You said that last time, Felix. How can I trust you again?"

"You can trust me, Ren. Just get in the car, okay. Who else are you gonna run too." I sighed. He's got a point, I'm deep in this lifestyle, it's next to impossible to get out. "I promise I won't hit you and judging how you kicked my ass earlier I won't try it." He gave a slight smile and when he did I was almost brought back to the Felix that I met two years ago, the person I was comfortable to be around with at times. I ran my fingers through my hair to think about it some more, and I finally gave up and hesitantly walked to the car.

"Can you open the back door?" I asked from the passenger door, since it was open.

He chuckled. "Why? Just sit in the front with me. I won't hurt you, Red." I scrunched up my nose in disapproval.

"I don't want to take any chances, Felix. Please open the back door." I closed my eyes to keep myself from crying at a similar act from that night. I heard the click then I opened the door and Felix looked sad, he always knew there was a part of me that's secret and how I space out sometimes, but he never asked and I was glad to get involved with someone who doesn't really ask questions just let me deal. _Even though I wasn't doing that anyway_

"You okay Ren?" Felix asked with concern. I closed my eyes and wished that Jacob was holding me like he did; it felt so good that I didn't want it to end.

"I'm fine could we just go now?" I asked irritated.

"Fine, so who were you with that last few hours? You sure as hell didn't answer my calls or texts." He rambled on as he pulled out of the drive way. "Why is your hair curly? You know it's much, much better straight. How can you even afford that hotel? Are you stashing money away from me? Were you with someone?" _I about had enough._

"_My god…_ Felix! Just shut the fuck up! I didn't do anything, but take a shower and sleep a minute before finally calling you." I was half asleep and half awake thanks to this jerk. "Just let me sleep alright!" He didn't say a word as I tried to close my eyes that were strained from yelling at Felix.

I closed my eyes once more and started to fall asleep in the back seat wondering if I made the right decision in letting Jacob go.

_I was nervously in the ER awaiting the doctor to give me some good news about what happened. I was so sore and couldn't feel my legs. It was as if I was paralyzed, but the doctors say that's numbness and it would go away in a few hours. _

_I just wanted something good to come out of this dreadful night, it all started with something good then ending with something terrible. It was all my fault, but they tell me otherwise, but no one can tell me know since so far I was the only one conscious. _

_I was still in deep thought about today's events when the one of the main doctors that's taking care of us comes into my room looking very sad and disappointed. My mind starts to panic, but I had no time for negativity, because I might be wrong. _

"_What…what's going on" I asked the doctor, not being able to hide my panicked voice._

"_I'm sorry, but they didn't make it." The doctor said in a serious tone._

"_No…Nnnooo…You're fucking lying to me! Please…! You... You… said there was hope. You can't give up." I viciously grabbed my hair, to make myself wake up from this nightmare but it was reality. _

"_I'm sorry, but we did everything we could…"_

"_But, how is it that I'm okay… I don't understand… We… I was in the front seat…" It was all my fault they were gone because of me. I cried and cried until I couldn't any more. No longer was my legs numb, but so was my chest. Everyone I loved vanished like that, because I couldn't do nothing right…_

I tossed and turned trying to make sense of this and it wasn't working. I felt strong arms on my shoulders shaking me and hands on my cheeks.

"Ren? Come on Ren. Some crying okay and wake up." I faintly heard Felix's voice. No why was I dreaming about that, no matter how much I try it always comes back to haunt me. I'm never going to get peace as long as I live.

"Felix..."

"Yeah… Ren." He ran his hand down my shoulder. "You scared the shit out of me by your instant crying. Are sure you're okay, Red?"

"I need to be... I am." I said as I wiped my tears and wrapped my arms around his neck needing to feel something good. It might not be good, but sure as hell is something.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Okay I'm just going put this out there, before you start reading you're (probably) not going to like this chapter. Especially what Renesmee is going to do, but you've got to remember that she's a very broken woman with problems that can really mess with your head. She's lashing out a bunch in this story, but that's only because she hasn't let herself heal and talk about it. So I hope I don't lose you faithful four reviewers and readers out there. So please tell me what you think about and Jacob's POV is next chapter. Again don't get mad. **

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We made it back to his place in peace. Ever since that bad dream I had, I was afraid on going back to sleep. I was afraid to see that horrible night at the hospital or if I try to sleep again I'll see the main reason that caused all this to happen. I've never told anyone in the two years since it happened anything. It's going on three what had happened to me and all those people I loved and use to love. I was advised by the doctor who took care of me that night to go see a psychologist, but that was the last thing I wanted to do was pay money to talk about things that should never be spoken again. Talking about it only makes it worst in my mind and I wasn't going to risk damaging it, it was best to keep it under wraps.

It seems now as time goes by that the more I keep this held in, the more it will haunt me. How can I talk to someone; anyone when everyone I knew is gone. It hurts too much to even think of them, so I started all whole new identity as a fresh start in a new life. I mean when you lose that many people, you can kiss the life you once knew goodbye. _And that's what I did._

I walked into my bedroom, which we both share on occasions. I sometimes stay on the couch when I want to be away from Felix, but now after that horrid nightmare I didn't want to be alone. I took off my trench coat, and placed it the nearby chair. I slowly walked over to the mirror to take a better look at myself. I saw that my eyes were blotchy red and so was my cheeks. The paleness of my ivory skin had no mark from Felix when he hit me earlier, but I figured that Jacob would've told me. _Jacob..., _Still pissed by the way I handled that situation, I was hoping that one day I can cross Jacob again and hopefully explain myself, but that was a long shot. I will never cross paths with Jacob were so different, but who I am now that's what makes us different. Footsteps were getting closer to the door and I took another look to see Felix's reflection just behind me. He was dressed in his usual white tank top and shorts, as he always wear to bed.

I fully turned my body around to get a better look at him. I saw lust in his eyes as he lowered them to my body. I knew at the point what Felix wanted, but was I ready after what he done to me earlier. My head was saying no, but my body was thinking of something else. It's been too long since I had sex, manly five months. That's probably why Felix is acting out at me, he's frustrated. I do need a distraction something to get my mind off the past and now Jacob. Who am I kidding; he's probably known I was going to leave anyways. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being for the stupid choices I've made. I was so deep in thought, so I've known to become that I didn't even see Felix come closer so we were now an inch apart.

I was feeling hot all of a sudden, needing his body to satisfy my own. I look into his eyes and I briefly closed them before opening them again, wondering should I give in or not. His hands move to cup my waist and pull me closer and pressed his forehead against mine.

"Ren? I… I can't help myself… I need you now… If you want me?" Damn it! My body is so weak right now; it's not even giving me a chance to make a decision, because before I knew it I crashed my lips onto his. It wasn't a sweet kiss at all I was fighting him with my lips, biting and licking every chance I got. I didn't need to be loved; I just needed to be fucked.

Our bodies moving back and forth at a face pace, grabbing whatever we can get our hands on. I moved my hands to the hem of his shirt and yanked it up as high it can reach, before we pulled away and threw the shirt somewhere in the room. Our lips met fast again like magnets; I needed his body to cloud the hurt I was feeling. It was working remarkably well, as Felix grabbed my bottom and pulled me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist.

I was pressed against the wall groaning for more as I felt his erection on my center. He grinded himself against me, as I took his finger and placed it inside my panties so he can feel that I'm not trying to play any games here.

"Felix, you feel how wet I am? Just do what you've wanted to do for months and just fuck the shit out of me." I said breathless as his cock grew harder than ever. His left hand that was gripping my butt moved over to the back of my bra and quickly unclasped it. I arched my back and let him yank the material off, his finger pinched my nipple in a semi painful way, but I wanted rough so it wasn't a big deal.

"You want me to fuck you, Red? Then you've got it." He growled as he made his way to the bed and threw me down so I was flat on my back. He stood over me and I ran my hands down to my panties and took them off so I was bare-naked in front of him. I reached over to the drawer by the bed and grabbed a condom and threw it at him. I tilted my head to the side waiting for him to take of those shorts knowing he isn't wearing any type of underwear.

"Come on Felix. You've been bitching for months about it and you're going to slow." I moaned out as I touched myself, knowing he gets weak when I do that. I know I was going to hate myself later for doing this, but now I couldn't give a damn.

"Fuck…You know I love it when you do that." He grunted as he took off his shorts and _'surprise'_ no underwear, he ripped the wrapped open and at a fast pace rolled on the condom. I bit my lip and stared at his cock for a while, until I looked into his eyes and was met with the same expression. _Pure, unadulterated lust._

I motioned my finger for him to come to me and he crawled on the bed so he was on top of me. Smirking down at me, to let me know that he was happy for this to happen. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I need this too much.

His hands made its way to my uncovered breast and he cupped it softly in his hands. I didn't want soft… I didn't want to be made love to just fucked, plain and simple.

"No soft stuff, Felix. I just want you in me, _right now..."_ I was getting frustrated with myself especially after naming all of tonight's events, who can blame me.

Without a word he slammed into in one hard, rough thrust. It was so uncalled for, but I asked for it so I had no right to complain, I took it like a woman should. I moaned and whimpered around the first 2 minutes then something inside me took over. I no longer wanted to be on the bottom, I wanted to take control, since everything else in my life isn't ran by me. I'm sure as hell was going to take this matter into my own hands.

When Felix was in deep thought as he usually is when we're together like this, I took the opportunity to roll myself with him to put me on top. Our faces were mere inches apart, before I rose myself up, got settled in his lap with him still inside me, and threw my hair back giving him a mischievous grin. His face was shocked that I made such a move.

"What? Didn't think I had in me did you?" I placed my hands on his chest and began to ride him, feeling strong for the first time in months. I did something that the old me would've done. I took a chance instead of waiting for the outcome. Felix hands crept up to my hips and pulled me harder towards him. He kept on saying my name, chanting it countless times, while I remained silent only the sounds of me panting and groaning came out.

As I was coming off my high, I suddenly started to feel sick. Like real sick, disgusted with myself by what I'm doing. I know that Felix is using me, but now I'm using him to keep myself from falling asleep, who does that? Only a fucked up girl like me would steep that low. Once I was finished I fell down on Felix's torso feeling numb and sore physically and emotionally. I stayed there for about a few more minutes before I heard Felix snoring. I took his hands off from around my waist and got out of bed.

I paced around the room processing what I've just done. I didn't want Felix, never had, never will. It was always sex when it comes to us. After those few months ago, I got tired of it; it was becoming boring and not desirable. Tonight was the answer of my hormones and fear were taking over. If I had it my way I would've tried my way into Jacob's pants. By looking at him, he was such a great guy and I couldn't do that to him. I had to leave; I have no self-control when it comes to me. I've lost all common sense when it comes to being rational.

Felix snoring got ridiculously loud, so I grabbed my robe that was lying on the floor from yesterday's massive lateness; I wrapped it around me and walked out the bedroom. Walking around this place makes me feel even guiltier, I was messing around with Felix a drug dealer, who happened to talk me into stripping saying it would make him and me a lot of money. He wasn't lying though; I make a least 1,000 for a night in cold, hard cash. I don't tell Felix the right amount, because then he'll get too greedy. He gets into trouble every now and then for taking too much drugs and sometimes takes it himself and doesn't pay up in time. That's so stupid for him to do, but I don't tell him how to run it.

Most of the guys I dance for know Felix and he tells me they respect him because of me. Saying that a almost big-time drug dealer messes around with a popular stripper. Still I stay near him, because the more dangerous the lifestyle is the more it can cloud my hurt. If I was around someone who actually gives a damn, they would say I need counseling, big time.

I was knocked out of my constant pacing by a knock on the door. I was hoping that it wasn't one of Felix's nightly customers, because they were the ones that always don't know when to leave and they constantly give me wicked stares. I took a quick peek out the window to see how many people was outside the door, but only caught the one person that adores Felix more than anything, Heidi Riddick.

She was always after Felix and sometimes comes around for her fix or something more, but Felix always denies it. Her husband is one of the heads for Primrose and is also Felix's brother, at a few locations around the U.S. I never would've thought that a strip club can go around, but they are pretty picky about the girls they pick. Sometimes I wonder if her husband knows how much Heidi is deeply invested into Felix? Then again I really don't give a damn. I looked out the peephole to see her refreshing her makeup. She was a very pretty girl with a thin frame, tall, and light sandy brown hair that was naturally straight. _Yeah she's a beauty… _

I opened the door to see her smiling face drop to a scowl. _The expression I love to grab from people_. I raised my eyebrows at her sudden change of behavior, sarcastically of course.

"Ren… Nice to see you here tonight." As if she didn't know I stayed here, I don't get jealous over what Felix does with females, because I don't care for him. It just amazes me how women are quick to jump on me for him.

"Umm…I stay here Heidi. Or have you forgotten that once again." I replied. I sometimes like pushing her buttons since she likes to push mine.

"Oh you know." She faked laughed. "Every time I visit you aren't here. I was guessing that you would be at the club." She flipped her hair, just for the hell of it.

"No, I don't work this late." I rolled my eyes at her flakiness. "So what are you here for?" As if I had to ask, but I wanted to hear the words come out of her mouth.

"Felix. Is he around? I don't see him." She stood on her toes and looked around the living room.

I sighed. "No he's in bed. You just missed him, so I'll take a message." I was about to shut the door in her face when her hand stopped it getting close.

"How rude of you, Ren. I just needed to ask Felix that you're needed to work double tonight at Primrose. There has been an unexpected bachelor party that someone's planned and they needed their most popular stripper Blaze, to be there." Blaze is my stripper name, one that Felix came up with.

Sometimes I forget that Felix somewhat owns me and I can't really make big decisions on gigs unless it's ran by him. Before I can respond to her, Felix was walking towards us and greeted Heidi with a kiss on the cheek. She blushed immediately and batted her eye lashes.

"I'm so sorry about how late it is, but I have a big job for Blaze here. There's a bachelor party tomorrow night and they personally want Blaze to be there by popular demand. All young guys are expected to be there, and a few I met are really nice looking men. She spreading the word around the club and big bucks are speaking to be coming in so I was wondering if you're interested.

Felix looked sort of upset by the wording of how I'm being talked about and getting recommendations from other guys of how they like my dancing. Other strippers at the club get jealous and some that I tolerate don't. Sometimes I wish that I can get along with some females, but the more I distance from others the better off I'll be.

"Um sure…Red you okay with this?" It's odd that he's asking for my say, since he usually just quickly signs me up and has a huge smirk on his face, but his face is now changed to how Heidi described the men and how others be taking about me.

"Sure whatever. As long as I'm bringing home some cash." I shrugged and made my way to the couch.

"Sign her up." He said with an somewhat angry tone.

"Perfect! She's going to bring some more good business in, Felix. I'm sure of it, so I'll see you around." She asked in a seductive tone running her hands on his forearm. I sighed and briefly closed my eyes waiting for this tramp to go away.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks again, Heidi." He said in a monotone tone. He placed his hand on her lower back and showed her to the door. "Next time can you at least call?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Then you would probably miss this great opportunity for Ren and for you!" Heidi exclaimed.

"Well it's getting late and I was asleep so see you around." He smiled before shutting the door. He rubbed his face with hands and exhaled deeply and made his way to the couch next to me.

"So you sure you want to do this gig? It might be too much." He said as he put his arm over the couch to where I'm seated.

"Yeah, it's not a big deal. I dance for all types of men before why should this be any different?" I looked up at him, knowing he was jealous that nice looking men are going to be attending, and not the usual old, dirty bastards that Felix's likes.

"No reason…Just wanted to make sure." He patted my shoulder. "I headed off to bed, you coming." He ran his hand over my cheek in a circular motion.

"No… I'm going to say here. I need to think about some things." I scratched my head, before laying my head on the arm of the couch.

"Suit yourself." He lightly slapped my thigh. "Night, Red." Then he walked to the bedroom and shut the door.

How low can one person seek? Using Felix to mask my own problems and throw him off, it was as if I was just as much of a monster as he was to me. I take the abuse and take it as if I deserve it. What kind of person had I become to fuck a man, who has no respect for me and hits me? I go and have sex with him, like nothing has happened. I leave a good man without saying a word, not even a letter. I'm so far away from whom I was back then, that I don't even know who I am anymore or who I was.

_Just so far gone…_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Okay here's Jacob's POV! I hope you like it, because I'm a little iffy about this chapter, but he's just found out about Renesmee's departure. Also Jacob gets a visitor, you might know who she is, but it's not what you think if you know what I mean. Anyways a thanks is in order to you girls for reviewing as always and to all the readers it means a lot to me. Enjoy! ;D**

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This morning I woke up feeling a little better than yesterday. Knowing that the Ren was going to be alright, hopefully, but how she kept on talking like she didn't belong here made me think otherwise. I haven't felt so strongly for another woman since my high school crush, even though it was only that a crush. The real deal is that I always have quick feelings for a woman that I'm seriously interested in, as I am now, but nothing has ever felt as did when I met her.

Last night, I just wanted to hold her all night and not let go. It just sucks that I just _met_ her and I already wanted to hold her as if she's been here all my life or as if she's _mine_. I've always been the type of man that falls in love to quickly, some say it's a good thing and others say it's bad. I've had a case of falling for women to quickly and making sure that they are treated right and are safe, but that always comes back to bite me hard in the ass, when they decide that I'm too mellow for them. They need something on the edge a more of a fight. I was capable of that, but I guess I haven't found that right one to actually show that fire to.

Sometimes, I want to just give up and be like my buddies, just prancing around fucking women left and right, but that lifestyle doesn't last forever. Hell you can catch some unknown diseases doing some shit like that. I wasn't raised that way and I don't follow that life, but it sucks that what they say could be true that good men finish last. I rubbed my eyes and pushed that comment off, so I can get started on today. First off starting with the curly-haired woman who found me last night. I had to know more about her and make sure that she doesn't go back to that creep ass that scared her off in the first place.

It was a Sunday morning and I usually go do my running on the treadmill, but today I'm going to go and check on Ren. She must've tired herself out last night, she just blackout in a matter of seconds when I was calming her. Ren sure was a real beauty to look at that's for sure. As soon as she got out of that shower all fresh-faced that was a turn-on. I wonder why she chooses to wear all that make-up, the dark eyes and ruby-red lips that was ultra shiny; the straight hair too shocked me even though that was a good look with the straight hair, but she didn't need all that. I could've sworn that she was older when I faced her at 7-eleven, but I sure as hell was wrong.

She was the pivotal point when it comes to natural beauty must be that Felix guy that tells her to wear all that make-up. She must be with her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend that just can't let her go, but I couldn't blame him to want to keep her, she sure was a beautiful woman.

I got out of bed and made my way to the guest bedroom where Ren was staying in last night. I got close to the door and knocked lightly on it, but loud enough for her to hear.

"Ren? Are you up?"

I hear silence, so I knocked again.

"Ren?" I still hear nothing.

She's probably still in deep sleep, cause when I tucked her in last night she was out cold. I opened the door slowly to see how she looked and if she's alright. I opened the door wider to see that the bed was made up and everything else around the room was clean as if no one has stepped or even been in here. I walked further into the room, wondering where Ren might be.

I looked in the bathroom, but she hasn't been in there. I was starting to think that she actually bailed... _without saying a word_. I ran my fingers through my short hair, becoming a little frustrated that it might be true. As I was walking out the door, I saw the clothes I let her borrowed folded neatly as I did hers. I knew now for a fact that she's gone. I shouldn't feel this way about someone I just met, but it kind of hurts that she just left without saying a word, or at least wrote a note.

I stormed out of the room and made my way downstairs to double check, before I start acting like a little bitch. She was nowhere in the front room, not in the kitchen, she was nowhere in the house. She must be back with that Felix guy. I growled and rested my case that women are into douche bags. I turned on my heels to go upstairs to run and blow off some steam, when I heard a knock on the door.

Like a kid hearing the ice cream truck, I ran as fast as I could to the door thinking Ren was behind it. As I opened the door, I was face to face with my ex-girlfriend and on and off friend Leah Clearwater. The last person that I wanted to see or even hear from was at my front door.

"You don't look so surprised to see me, Jake. Why is that?" She chuckled. I just looked at her as if she was some crazy-ass person; she broke up with me so she can get back with the guy that broke her heart. He broke her heart again and now she's after my ass. Talk about Déjà vu.

"You're not the person I want to see at the moment. So why are you here? I told you last night that there's nothing more to say." I downright told her getting irritated.

"Hmmm? You had another woman here last night, Jake?" She raised her eyebrows and smirked, sometimes she knows me too well. "It explains the quick way to end the phone call last night." She smiled even wider, making me not want to tell her anything.

"Yeah… you can say that." I leaned against the door. Leah looked at me with a confused expression that I couldn't read. I shrugged my shoulders at her indicating what's wrong.

"Aren't you going to invite me in, so you can give me all the details?" I sighed again and moved out of her way. It was no use, Leah will always be my friend we've been through a lot together and managed to get one-another through it, _sometimes_. I shut the door and turned around and faced her and she just shook her head at me.

"What!" I raised my hands in the air.

"You just know how to pick them, don't you Black?" She giggled and placed her purse on the table and made herself comfortable on the couch.

"Shut up." She giggled some more. "What brings you out here anyway?" I sat down on the love seat across from her.

"Just to let you know that you're invited to Embry's big bachelor party extraordinaire." She raised her arms and moved them from side to side. I knew she was being sarcastic to cheer me up.

"Um… I'm not sure about attending." I replied looking up at the ceiling. "You know I'm not much of a party goer. Especially now." I sunk further in my seat. Leah came over and punched me on the arm, which by the way wasn't soft for a girl.

"Um… What the hell? Have you completely lost your fucking mind?" I exclaimed. It didn't hurt to me, but the fact she didn't bring any smile to my face.

"No! You have again! You always fall hard for a girl, Jake and it never seems to get in your thick skull that maybe you shouldn't." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Funny you should say that being you're one of them." I growled. As quickly as she hit me earlier, she softened up. Sometimes, I pull that card with her every now and then if she annoys the hell out of me.

"How many times are you going to bring that up? Jake, I really thought that… Listen as you said last night, we're getting over. I'm finally getting the point that you don't want me back, and that I hurt you by going back to Sam. You've warned me about Sam and how he's playing a game and I didn't listen."

"From trying to get you back with you weren't having it, and I'm just trying to give you the same advice. Even though I have no clue to what's going on." She got up and walked to the window. "So, if you could tell me, I'll promise to be a good friend and give you the best advice I could give?" I could tell that she was sincere about all she's just said, but for an ex to give you advice on someone you've just met is all kinds of awkward.

"Fine! I'll tell you, but don't interrupt until I'm finished." I warned her. She nodded and motioned her head for me to start.

I sighed. "Umm...last night I met a woman at 7-eleven and she was running away from, who I guess is her boyfriend. She came to me and asks me to give her a ride to a hotel and I agreed. She looked scared and afraid of what the man did to her and what he can do. So I couldn't just say no, then that shit would've been on my watch." I stopped to think over more why she would want to leave. That gave Leah the opportunity to say her piece.

"Damn Jake, you love helping out needy women don't you?" She laughed and that exploded a bomb in me.

"She's not needy! Leah! She's the complete opposite. She didn't want to come here, as I already told you. She wanted to go to a hotel, but I insisted that she stayed here. Now she's gone!" I threw the nearest object against the wall and kicked the furniture. Leah mouth was open for a minute, before she shut it. I rarely lose my temper, but when I do I go off.

"Chill Jake." She kept her distance, but she motioned with her hands to sit back down. "Just finish your story so I can figure this out." It was good to have Leah here as a friend, makes me wish that sometimes that we've never even got together, because our friendship would've been stronger than what it is now.

"Took her here, she showered, ate dinner, she fell asleep in my arms, and I tucked her in." I got back to remember her soft, _so soft _body in my arms as I carried her upstairs into the guestroom. I wanted her to sleep with me that night, just so she can know that someone does care for her, even though I just met her, it felt as if I known her for a while as cheesy as it sounds.

"Woke up this morning and she's nowhere to be found. No letter or anything, I mean what if something happened to her?" I got up and paced around the room. "I mean she's probably back with that fucker now." I ran my hands down my face.

Leah looked at my face with an amused expression on her's and it kind of ticked me off.

"What?" I scoffed.

She chuckled. "Damn did I just tell you to chill? I'm looking at your cheek, and I can't believe that I didn't notice it earlier, but she did leave you with something on both of your cheeks." She continue to chuckle as she went over to her purse and pulled out a compact mirror opened it and handed it to me.

I raised my eyebrow at her before opening the mirror to see my face barely covered in red lip prints. Each one of my cheeks, so she did tell me goodbye. It's still not good enough... _not good enough at all._

"So what's her name?" She came over and took her mirror from my hands still laughing.

"Shut up." She still kept laughing. "Her name is Ren. She's such a beautiful girl, but she's very distant. I was trying to get to know her, but it seems as if she's hiding something. I don't blame her and I'm not the type to drill a person into spilling the truth, but with her I really want to know." Leah was very quiet when I told her about Ren, and when she gets that quiet, it's for some serious shit.

"You should go look for her. From what I've heard, she doesn't want to bother you more with her life and her leaving was probably to protect you from that dude she was running away from. Also, I think you should think about this before you find her, maybe this guy is bad news and he's the type that doesn't want to let her go."

"Maybe, but I just want to talk to her, not get with her." I lied. I know there's something that's off with her especially her clothing, but I wasn't going to tell Leah that.

She rolls her eyes. "Okay, but still be careful might not know what you're dealing with." She said as she came over and gave me a quick hug. "Also, before I forget the real reason I came here was for this." She handed me an envelope. "Whatever is going through your head as you read that, you do _have_ to go. Who knows you might even have some fun. I'll talk to you later." She patted my shoulder before she headed out the door.

I already knew what was in this envelope before I even open it. Still to have it set in stone, I tore the envelope from the side and a black and blue invitation came into my hand. It had half-naked girls on the each side and in big bold letters 'Embry's Good-bye to Bachelor Party' I had to laugh at that one. Still couldn't believe he found the one after he swore to not fall for a woman.

The location was at Primrose, a strip joint. He really wants to celebrate his last few nights as a single man. I looked at the location to see that it's near where Ren dances and teaches. Throwing all the shit aside about not wanting to go I've made my decision, it's time to pay Ren a visit.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This will be Renesmee's POV and the next one will be Jacob's starting on his search for Ren. This has to be the longest chapter I've ever written in my history of writing FF, so I hope you like it. The story is starting to really hit high gear that I hope you'll enjoy too, as much as I did writing it. Thanks to my fantastic four reviewers, you awesome readers and alert/favorite readers it means a lot to me, that you're still with me on this. ;D**

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The sun crept out through the curtains, making me turn the opposite direction on the couch. Never in my life have I felt so sick than I do now. After what I did last night with Felix, just proves how messed up I am. I mean I had sex with a man who basically hits me every time I say no to what he wants. I also had sex with him to rid myself of that horrid nightmare. To say the best out of this situation, that it did work. No flashes of my past came as I slept last night, just pure darkness, which I prefer.

I pulled my blanket over my head to block out the sun, so I could get more sleep, when the blanket was pulled off me. Making me jump up and glare at Felix, who looked very amused by my expression.

"You know we got to get ready." He said as he walked over to the window and pulled the curtains apart, I squinted my eyes at the burning sun in my face. I groaned and fell back on the couch. "Come on. Get up you signed up for this gig and you've got to get ready. Here I bought you something." He handed me a Target sack and made his way to the kitchen. From the outside of the sack, I could tell from the shape of the bag, what he purchased for me. I turned the sack upside down and let it fall onto the couch. It was two boxes of L'Oreal Feria Sunset Blaze Red hair dye. I groaned loudly so he can hear, but he just told me to hush.

"You knew this was going to happen. This is a big gig, a fucking bachelor party for god sakes. They want Blaze, then they'll get it and you'll just do it." Felix ranted and came back to the living room and threw a bag of McDonald's on my lap.

"You know you shouldn't feed the stripper food the night of her gig. She's got to look her best." I said sarcastically. "But seriously, I just got my real hair color back and now you want me to dye it? No one gives a fuck about my hair color, only my naked body. Yet here you're feeding me fast food, unless this is part of your plan to get me fat." I knew I was pushing his buttons, but quite frankly I don'tgive a shit.

"I'm feeding you so you won't be fucking hungry, Red! You didn't seem to complain before, when I bring home McDonald's. So what's with the change of heart and I don't care that you're hair got back natural, it's part of the Blaze deal. You should've thought about that before you agreed!" I saw red as soon as he said that.

"Before I agreed? Usually you're the one who fucking books gigs!" I put up air quotes on books. "It's not like I can saw no, obviously the word is being spread about Blaze so you know what I'll dye my freaking hair!" I viciously threw the boxes back in the sack and grabbed my McDonald's bag and grabbed my pack of cigarettes

"Where the hell do you think you're going? We've got things to do..." I cut him off immediately.

"Can I go and take a fucking smoke without your ass badgering me! As soon as I'm fucking done, I'll get ready! Jesus." Then I slammed the door shut and when over to the back porch and took a seat in the plastic white chair. This is what happens to Felix and I on some days. I would turn on that bitch mode and tear into him, when he interrupted my sleep. I took a look up and saw there was no cloud in the sky, just blue and the bright sun.

Sometimes I tend forget who Renesmee Cullen really was. I was never a bitchy person or the one who cusses like a sailor and smokes like nobody's business. I guess I was really turning into Ren Dwyer.

After eating and taking my smoke, I retreated back to the house to see Felix all dressed in typical blue jeans and a black t-shirt.

"You're all calmed down now?" I rolled my eyes before nodding.

"We'll I'm off to greet my customers. I'll see you in a few hours and I expect you to be Blaze." He demanded. If he wanted Blaze then he will sure as hell _will get _her.

"Whatever..." I sighed and took myself to the bathroom and locked the door. I heard the front door open and shut, and I leaned on the sink. I took both of the boxes of hair dye and placed them on the sink counter. I took a deep breath and exhaled, before I knew it I was brought back to another part of my past.

_"Renesmee, you'll do as you're told!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the bed._

_"No noooo! Let me go!" I cried and tried to push him off me, but there was no use._

_"You've been playing hard to get for too long! No more! I'll get what I want! Your boyfriend should've paid up in time!" What the hell did he mean? How did my boyfriend had anything to do with an English Assignment. He climbed on top of me and began to rid me of my clothes. I panicked... tears streaming down my face. I kicked him in the balls real hard and he rolled over to his side to hold himself. _

_I got up from the bed and ran down the long flight of stairs of his home. I knew that he was going to get over that kick I gave him! I ran as fast as I could, but someone grabbed my arm and it wasn't the same guy who I kicked earlier..._

_"Where the hell do you think you're going? Your man is causing problems for everyone. If you don't listen to what he or I say then, just say goodbye to everyone you love. I mean that." I felt a hit to my head and I blacked out._

I was brought back to reality and I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that my face was full of running tears. No matter how hard I try, I'll always be brought back to my past. So much happened that day that I can't get wrap my mind around. I found out the truth about some things, found out some people were fake, and I also was taking advantage of against my own will. I choked up for a minute and then to a minute to get myself together.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I looked at myself. I can't be emotional when I get on that stage later. I had to be strong and forget it again, but how long am I going to keep all those past events bottled in. My brain must be telling me that enough is enough and I need to talk to someone once and for all. The problem is that I have no one to talk too.

Pushing that aside, I opened the box of hair dye and got fully prepared to become Blaze. There was no way in hell that anything is going to ruin tonight; I was in need for some cash for my secret bank account, something else that Felix doesn't know about.

Few hours later, I was in my room still alone in the house as I looked myself over. My hair which was once bronze and curly turned into a fiery red-head with spiral curls that I just put together. My make-up was full on with the smoky-eyes, to the pink blush, and ruby red lipstick. I was dressed in my dark-black skinny jeans and fitted white t-shirt and black jacket. I took one last look at my transformation and walked out the bedroom.

Felix just walked into the house looking a complete mess. His breathing was louder and going at a rapid pace as if he's been running a marathon. His face was all sweaty and he looked strained, what in the hell has he been doing.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Does it look like it?" He snapped. He threw his keys on the table and went into the kitchen as I followed.

"No need to get snappy with me. I was just asking a damn question. You know I have to be at the club an hour early to get ready so if you're unable to drive me, I'll just be on my way." I turned around to walk out of the kitchen when Felix grabbed my arm and when he did it made me think of my past memory.

"Get your fucking hands off me! You will never ever lay a hand on me like that ever again! Got it!" I pressed as I pointed my finger in his direction and yanked from his grip. He sure was shocked by my outburst and so was I.

"Jeez. Sorry." He walked over to the table to retrieve his keys. "Yeah, I'll take you. I'm sorry about my shitty attitude, it's just today's been a bitch so far. I also won't be there at the club. I have some business to take care of." We walked out the house and into the parking lot in silence. Even during the drive there was complete silence. What did Felix do and what was he up to?

"So I won't be able to make it there." I raised an eyebrow, he already told me that. What was really going on? "I'll be around to pick you up around midnight. I sure hope so." He whispered that last part hoping I won't hear, but I did.

"What do you mean by 'you hope'? I'm going to be on my own tonight and hitching nice Felix." I opened the door to get out, but he stopped me by reaching over and shutting the door.

"I said I'll be back, no need to get sarcastic. I got your back." He leaned over and I quickly turned my head.

"See you around." I quickly got out the car and got up the stairs to the back entrance. I have a strong feeling that Felix wasn't going to be able to pick me up tonight, so I'm stuck here alone. Damn it! When the hell am I just going to rid myself of Felix Canton.

I slowly got into the back entrance without any commotion whatsoever, and I was so grateful for that. Usually some sleaze bags be handing around the back to get a chance with one of us, but so far it hasn't get out of hand where we have to start acting a fool. That's something that shouldn't happen or you'll lose your job.

The scene of the VIP rooms were so explicit. Girls were just all over the guys giving them lap dances as they grip their asses as if they were trying to fix a piece of meat. I personally out of all the other girls here have never done a personal dance. Felix always made sure that no one puts their hands on me, but tonight I'm not sure what will happen.

I caught one of the girls that I respect the most out of this whole club, Claire Powell. She was the type of girl that didn't take shit from no one, but she was also a hot chick too. Her mid-length black wavy hair and her hazel brown eyes. She was a natural beauty. She had a boyfriend and went to school, so I didn't understand why she would do something like this considering she's spoken for and has financial aid for her classes. She told me once that she was already doing this before she met him, but she couldn't pass up the money she gets in one night versus what she'll make working at fast food. I knew I lost that argument there when she brought up the pay we get here.

Her face was complete nausea, and I couldn't blame her. How that guy's hands was all over her, made me sick with her. His hands would creep into her bra-top and squeezed her left breast and I heard her moan. Obviously for fake, but she was a great actress. I walked away into the changing room to see Heidi face lit up as soon as she saw me.

"Blaze is finally back! I'm so glad Felix talked you into dyeing your hair. It's a full house out there and that means more people to pay at the door and more cash coming in. You must be excited!." She had a huge grin on her face. My face was still the same 'I don't give a damn' expression.

"Utterly...So what's my costume?" Heidi showed me to the closet and pulled out a Stretch Lace Babydoll with a matching g-string. It was a raspberry color it basically matches my new hair.

"Nice dress huh?" A dress? "So I had a perfect song for you to dance to, and since you let yourself feel the music, I won't tell you." She was too giddy, it was making me sick. I nodded and took the see-thru dress with me to the locker room.

When I got there I saw Claire sniffing and crying with her hands on her head. She had her clothes back on and her crying just got worse. I got over to her and held her close so she could stop crying. She shifted and her head was on my shoulder still crying, what happened with that man?

"What happened to you Claire? Did that man do anything to you?" I asked in a most calming tone, knowing who bad it can get if a man tries to force himself on you.

"That bastard! Put his hands in my thong trying to finger me. I gave him the opportunity to stop, but he just wouldn't. So I punched him in the face, but that wasn't the bad part. Spencer walked by and saw the whole thing while I wasn't looking, talking about bad customer service and I should've handled it better." Spencer was the owner of Primrose and also Felix's brother. He takes his business very seriously, and especially customer service. Which to me is a bunch of bullshit.

"I'm so sorry Claire about that son of a bitch, but I'm not sorry that you've got fired." She looked at me and was about to say something, but I cut her off.

"You have so much going for you. A graduation soon, a boyfriend, and from what I hear a family who loves you even though you lie to them. I won't give to have what you have, yet you're wasting it at this dump. I know I know why the hell am I taking this mess, but it's only because you have so much and sooner or later someone is going to see you here and tell someone you love. So I'm glad you got fired." I replied. Claire pulled me into a hug.

"Okay since you're all done with the Ren's View, what about you? When are you going to leave?" Claire asked with a look of concern.

If I find a way to deal with the past. "I seriously don't know, but I'll promise you if something goes out of hand I'll leave and never look back." I hope

"Well when that does happen. Primrose is going to lose business big time. Blaze will be no more, it sad really." She smiled and pulled me in for a hug.

"So it's funny how we've been close and haven't exchanged phone numbers." I smiled thinking that this is the first friend I've made in a long time. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it to her, and she gave me her's.

We gave each other our phones back. "So I've got to get ready for this strip tease I'm pulling out there tonight." I rolled my eyes.

"You know you look good with that fire red hair, but I look you're natural look more. I guess it's more for costume when you have bachelor parties or birthdays." She rolled her eyes. "Man, I wish I could stay I really wanted to catch that show." Claire pouted and I laughed and it felt real good to laugh at this moment. The last few shows I gave Claire was on the floor giving lap dances while watching me at first I was freaked out, but once I got to know her it was all her liking my dances.

"Well you should get home to that man of yours." I smirked.

"Yeah I wish I could right now, but he's at a friend's house for a party. So I'll see him later tonight." She wiggled her eyebrows. "So promise me, Blaze." She dragged out Blaze for dramatic effects. "You'll walk out that door when you feel very violated and pushed to your limit?" I nodded and gave her a small smile.

"I'll walk."

"Alright, rock that bitch out tonight. I'm taking the back entrance since I don't want to face nobody. See you around." She waved at me.

"See ya."

I took off all my clothes and got into the baby-doll costume with black three inch stilettos. I took another look at my face to make sure everything was on point. I saw a blank expression, so it was good that my brain was blank. I always clear my inner self before I walk out on that stage; because you're going out there to strip for a couple of strangers you can't be afraid or distracted. You have to be strong and that's when I saw Blaze in the reflection, not Renesmee or Ren.

Blaze...

After one more look over I placed my hands on my hips and took a deep breath. I walked out of the locker room and past the changing room with glares hitting me with a force I could feel. Sometimes, I wish Claire was still here, but glad she isn't. Heidi came over to me asking if I'm ready and I nodded.

"Okay you know the drill once they announce you. Go out there and do your thing." She clapped her hands and left the opposite direction. I stood just outside of the curtains and once I pushed them away I would be do what I do.

"Gentleman! We have a special treat for you tonight! One of our finest women is going to perform tonight, to a random song. She's hot as fire and she's as red as flames give it up for Blaze!" Then I heard a song that I wasn't expecting to dance along to.

I sultry walked out pushing the sparkly sliver and black curtains out of my way. I looked straight ahead and tried my best to not make contact with no one in sight, because that makes my performance better, and it calms my nerves. I made it look natural, by just pretending I'm doing this somewhere else, like dancing around in my room.

_I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest_

_Or the girl who never wants to be alone..._

I moved my hips at the same pace as the song came along. I let my body feel the music and the rhythm. Rolling my hips faster with my arms bent slighly in the air swaying above my head. I dipped low and got back up with an hopeful sexy glare look on my face.

_Ah the sun is blinding_

_I stayed up again_

_Oh, I am finding_

_That's not the way I want my story to end..._

I slowly walked my way with the beat and climbed up on the pole and all the way to the top.

_I'm safe_

_Up high..._

I spreaded my legs apart and slid down the pole. I flipped myself over and shook my head around, feeling my hair hit my face. As I got back up, I made sure to flip my hair over and took one of the Patons on the floor and began twirling them around. I did a back-flip and got back up and did a split.

_No pain_

_Inside_

_Nothing can touch me..._

I dropped the Paton and moved myself on my knees and arched my back to let my ass out. I bend myself before leaning back onto the floor and took down on of my straps. I looked out into the bright lights and raised myself up. I kept swaying my hips from side to side constant with the beat for a few minutes.

_I don't want to be the girl who has to fill the silence_

_The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth..._

I took down the other strap and did a cartwheel to the pole and I swung myself around it at a constant speed. I heard the guys hollering out and saw money being thrown onto the stage. I arched my back out once again and I climbed back up.

_Ah, the night is calling?_

_And it whispers to me softly come and play_

_Ah, I am falling_

_And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame..._

I kept myself on the pole as I listened to the lyrics of Sober by P!nk. That's what I'm really feeling in my life right now, I was falling.

I quickly stopped that distraction and began to slowly slid down the pole for the effect of the attention. Once I hit the bottom, I revealed my breasts and used my arms to push them together. I let my head back and let go of the pole and brought myself back up and walked to the middle of the stage and took off the baby-doll. I ended up in only my g-string.

_No pain_

_Inside_

_How do I feel this good sober?_

I got back over to the pole and began to do my finale. I climbed to the very top of the pole. No one was really able to get up that high, but tonight I was feeling sort of good for some reason. I kept climbing up with the beat of the song so when a certain part came on, I can go along with it.

_I'm coming down, coming down, coming down_

_Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round_

_Looking for myself - SOBER_

_I'm coming down, coming down, coming down_

_Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round_

_Looking for myself - SOBER_

_When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad_

_Till you're trying to find the you that you once had_

_I have heard myself cry, never again_

_Broken down in agony just tryna find a friend_

_I'm safe_

_Up high_

_Nothing can touch me_

_But why do I feel this party's over?_

_No pain_

_Inside_

_You're like perfection_

_How do I feel this good sober_

_Oh Oh_

_I'm safe_

_Up High_

_Nothing can touch me_

_But why do I feel this party's over?_

_No pain_

_Inside_

_You're like perfection_

_How do I feel this good sober?_

I kept on spinning on that pole. Not stopping a beat, only to throw my hair back. I did flips on the pole all the way until the song was all over and done with. I spun myself down to the bottom. I raised my head up to see claps burst throughout the crowd. I walked over around the stage and collected my money and gave them a smile as I gracefully walked off the stage. I grabbed a robe on the coat hanger near the stage and securely wrapped it around me.

I saw some of the other girls in the changing room. Telling me what a great show and you've set a record. I smiled at their comments, but it was really just feeling the music. I went inside the locker room to count the money and found out that I made $500. I was ecstatic at how much I made in just one dance for one song. I put the money in my wallet and back into my purse I was going to make a trip to the bank tomorrow.

As I was getting ready to leave, the sound of footsteps came in and startled me. I jumped a bit before I stopped to see Spencer in my view.

"Oh I'm sorry about that. I was just here to let you know that you have your first VIP dance." I frowned as soon as he said that, I thought I wasn't allowed to do personal lap dances alone. (According to Felix, he usually wants to be present and for it to be out in the open instead of a backroom with no door.)

"Oh? Felix said I wasn't allowed to do those types of dances in a room." I said. I wasn't so sure about this private dancing at all.

"He isn't here to tell you want to do. Also, this young looking man offer $2,000 and $1000 is for you." I swear I felt my eyes bugged out of my head as soon as that came out of his mouth.

"Are you serious? He actually showed it?" He nodded and his grin got wider.

"So I'm going to need you to go out there to RM 6 and do your thing. Who knows he might come back for more. You know how I feel about customer service." I sure as hell do.

"So get changed into something more sexy and revealing. He's just asking for a lap dance." He smiled and left the room.

I let my mind get wrapped around $1000 dollars. Hmm Spencer must've had him begged to get a one-on-one dance. I shouldn't even over-think this, its one grand! It's what I need at this moment, so I could one day go back to school. Forget Felix and his rules he's been rude this morning and I'm going to do what I want to do and just treat as if I'm on stage don't even think about or even look at the guy.

I slid off my g-string and put it in the hamper. I went through the lingerie and looked for something sexy and revealing even though all of them are, just something different. I found the perfect piece to wear. It was an emerald green lace bra and matching panty set along with a fuzzy see-thru robe. I kept on the same pair of shoes and quickly got changed. Once I was done, I made way to RM 6. I was feeling really nervous at this point. I had to be alone with this guy, and do almost whatever he wants. I neared the room and I took a deep breath before entering, turning Blaze on.

I spoke in a seductive tone and opened up my robe to let whoever he was to see my body. "Hey baby, ready to have some fun, because I'm gonna..." I froze as soon as I looked up at him. I couldn't even move a muscle, knowing that it was the one guy I thought I would never see again and didn't want to see. That all changed as soon as I saw him here, I didn't want him to go. His grin was dark and mischievous, as he took in my appearance. Did he see my performance? _God!_

_"Jacob?"_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Okay, so sorry for the delay of this chapter, but I'm wrapping up Summer classes and you know that goes. So, this chapter is Jacob's POV from last chapter, I'm not sure if I going to keep doing his POV unless it's absolutely necessary. I also want to throw in that my B-day is this Friday and I want to update the next one on that day, so if you want to see an early update to please review. It will be the ultimate present to have reviews. I'm turning 20, but I know I'm not getting that much for this chapter or the next one. Still tell me what you think. It will make an early birthday girl smile.! ;D**

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I made up my mind to go ahead and visit Ren over at the Dance studio. I wasn't going to leave last night a memory, not a chance in hell was I going to leave that behind. I felt something for her in that short amount of time and I have to know why she got up and left with no trace.

I headed upstairs to get ready, before I got go over to the dance studio. I showered, brushed teeth and got dressed in about an hour. I had about a few hours left before the bachelor party. So I got dressed in a blue and white stripped dress shirt, black pants, and converse sneaks.

Left the house and hopped into my car and made my way to 5th street. It wasn't that far of a drive, just a little around 10 minutes. I was surprisingly too happy to see Ren. At least, she told me where she worked so I can have a chance to tell her that she didn't have to go back and to get some type of answers to why.

I opened the glass doors to already see a class in progress. I stood by the door waiting for someone to help me, and all the girls turned around and started to stare at me in a weird way. I raised my eyebrows at their expressions and finally a woman saw me at the door and got up from the floor to greet me.

"So are you here to sign up for classes?" The very cheery woman asked. I just laughed for a bit about that.

"Um no I was just looking for one of your dancers by the name of Ren. I don't know her last name." She looked confused and shook her head.

"I'm sorry, but we don't have a dancer by that name." She looked apologetic.

I wasn't really convinced so I tried more, since they have a lot of dancers here. "Um she said that she also teaches here. She has bronze reddish hair and slim but curvy with plain skin." I asked, but she shook her head no. She told me sorry and walked back over to the group of girls who each gave me a smile. I sure as hell didn't feel like smiling, so I nodded my head towards them and headed out.

So much for disappointments, she didn't even work there. Why would she lie about where she worked? Unless she thinks her job isn't worth telling me. I getting myself worked up for someone who probably just used me to get away from some guy and was now back with him. So I gave up, probably Leah was right. I do fall for the damsel in distress too much. I also get deep into the ones who don't feel the same way.

I pushed that aside and made my way over to Embry's pre-bachelor party which is at his place down the street at the Avalon's he rents a condo and it's a pretty sweet place to throw a party at. In the past, he would throw all the parties and invite some of the hottest girls to entertain, but I always be the one who just sits at the couch and drink. Women throw themselves at me asking for a fuck, but I turn them down because I'm not that kind of guy. Well tonight, that wasn't going to happen.

After I parked my car, I ran up to Embry's place which was already banging with loud music pounding on the door. Embry opened the door and greeted me.

"Dude! So glad you made it! I had a feeling that you were going to bail out on me." Embry clapped my back and I got his head in a lock and his drink spilled a little.

"Yeah, changed my mind. I have a need to finally let loose." I grinned. "So what's the point in getting drunk when the real party hasn't started yet!" I yelled over the music.

"We're not getting drunk and this is my first glass. I'm finally going to get tied down and you're finally done with this _'Find my special one_' search." He spoke sarcastically. Seth came over and handed me a glass and poured the vodka into it.

"I've heard the news, Jake. This is a cause for a celebration." He raised his glass. "To Jake, for finally seeing the light and letting his guard down." Embry raised his and clicked the glass with Seth's while I drowned mine's down.

"Yep! No more planning! I'm going to let life play its course and see where it takes me. I mean if fucking Embry Call found someone, I will soon enough." I put my glass in front of Seth as he poured me another glass.

"Hmm someone's trying to get wasted does it have something to do with a certain stranger beauty you met last night." Seth asked. Damn it, Leah

"She told you didn't she?" He nodded. "Yeah, well she isn't what she seems. So I'm just going to move on with my life and party with my boys." I told him, and then I swallowed down that glass.

"Great! So Quil, Paul, and Jared are in the front room playing the Xbox. We're going to stick around here for a minute to eat and we're going to hit up Primrose to see Blaze in action." Embry told me as we headed into the kitchen to eat some hot wings with bleu cheese.

I looked at him confused. "Blaze? You picked out a specific stripper, bro?" I shook my head at classic Embry.

"Hey I've heard she's the best stripper in town. She doesn't just take off her clothes, but she dances. She only does shows so, no personal dances. That freaking sucks." Embry pouted.

"Well when you see your fiancée later on. She can give you a personal dance." Seth rolled his eyes and took a bite out his wing.

"Yeah I know that, but still she must be really that good. Considering that I got recommended from the guys at work." Embry bit into his wing. "So you're going to ask for some personal dances to get that girl off your mind." He asked.

"Out of sight, out of mind." I simply stated. "I really just don't want to talk about it guys, I don't mean to be rude it's just over with and I'm moving past it." I grabbed the vodka bottle and began to pour myself another glass. Seth reached over and took the bottle.

"Bro? There's no need to get wasted, until you've seen the naked ladies." Jared said as he came over and grabbed him a wing.

"I'm not trying to get wasted. Just I'm in need of a fucking drink is that so bad, since most of you been asking me for years to lighten up and now you're trying to stop me." I raised my eyebrow at them. Couple of 'Yeah you're right' were spoken throughout the room. I grinned and took the bottle from Jared and poured me my final glass in his house of course.

We continued on with this little charade until it was time to head over to Primrose to see what this Blaze is all about. It was finally time to get this party into high gear.

My first thought was to survey the room and I did a quick glance around. It wasn't busy yet so if I didn't see anyone I liked it wouldn't be long before the strippers start to come by and ask if I wanted a dance.

"Hey there good-looking!" a voice yelled and I turned to see a young woman with short-medium blonde hair with a smirk on her face. She placed her hands on her hips and waited for my response.

"Hey, you." I said in my seductive voice.

She giggled and her breath smelled of alcohol. "So you want a dance, big boy. I can make it worth your while," she replied, her eyes twinkling at me.

She was cute but I wasn't really feeling up to a dance with anyone right now, just wanting some alcohol so I glanced around the club at the other girls that were surrounding us. . There was a girl with micro-braids who caught the eye of Jared and began dancing on him, Paul was flipping a few dollar bills at a brunette, as she smiled, and straddled his thigh. Seth and Embry were over at the stage ogling a couple of dancers on the stage. I could've sworn that I saw drool dipping down their mouths.

I noticed that Quil was missing. I looked around to see him anywhere near any strippers, but he had a girlfriend that he was committed to, so I doubt he was trying to cop some private dances.

I heard Quil's voice getting loud with someone down the hall. I turned my head to see Quil dragging Claire out from the hall with a lot of dark make-up on, trying to get out of Quil's tight grip.

"You're overreacting Quil! It isn't that big of a deal!" Claire roared at Quil and kept on shaking her arm so that he can let go.

"I'm overreacting! I'm overacting Claire. I was just going to use the restroom for minute and come back and be a good boy, but I find out that my girlfriend was walking out of the locker room, as if you just got finished doing your shift!" Claire has tears running down her face.

"Quil, I'm sorry you have to find out that way, but I don't work here anymore. I've been doing this before I met you…." She stopped and wrapped Quil into a hug. "I..I'm sorry. I didn't tell you." Quil melted as soon as Claire completely broke down. He rubbed her back and pulled her close.

"Jake, man. Could you tell Embry I'm sorry, but I have to go." I nodded. I understand that he needs to be alone with Claire and see what's been going on.

"Sure. I'll tell him." I gave him a small smile, and then walked back over to wear Jared and Paul were still having fun with the strippers. I sat down with my drink of coke, deciding to be the responsible out of the other four. Shit, so much for having fun tonight.

I leaned back in my chair and took another sip of my coke, trying to look casual and gave both the girls a relaxed smile, when they both looked at me. But the smile didn't last long because before I knew it a sloppy ass Embry fell into my lap.

"Dude you so fucking lied! I thought you were going to let loose!" Embry slurred. I laughed at the dumbass that was coming out of him as I pulled out a chair and put him there.

"Someone has got to watch out for you hormone driven hoes." I took another sip of my drink and Embry pulled my drink out of my hand and sniffed it and put it on the table.

"Coke? You're drinking coke?" I punched in the shoulder and laughed some more.

"What did I already day? Someone's gotta keep you in line. Oh... Quil left a few minutes ago, to be with Claire." I wasn't going to get into too much information about Claire and Quil, it sure as hell wasn't my business.

"Why?" He pouted. I shrugged and he let it go when he saw some shirtless woman walked by.

"Are you sure you want to get married?" I teased.

"Fuck you bro. I was just looking I'm totally sure about Mayra." He nodded. I was about to give him a witty comeback, but the lights dimmed, so I guess it was time to the head-light of the night.

"Gentleman! We have a special treat for you tonight! One of our finest women is going to perform tonight, to a random song. She's hot as fire and she's as red as flames give it up for Blaze!" As if someone told the crowd to shut the hell up they did. It was complete and utter silence. I was appalled by how these guys were quick to keep quiet, even my boys were quiet and that's something you don't see.

A woman with fiery, red locks came up on stage with such grace and momentum. She was beautiful with her porcelain skin that looks soft and supple from the distance, her body was to die for in that little piece of lingerie she had on. I could tell that she wasn't trying to look any of us in the eye, can't say I blame her. Don't want to give some of these guys the wrong idea.

She started to sway her hips to the song Sober, and I wasn't going to lie she was good. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. She was like a piece of treasure that you want, but can't have. I got a bit closer on the table to look at her, since all the guys went straight up on stage to get a better look, but I just kept my distance.

As I kept on looking at her, I noticed some familiar about her, the same appeal to Ren. Even though they both have completely different hair colors, she had a deep resemblance to Ren. I must be losing my fucking mind now, if I'm comparing a stripper to Ren. Have I gone that far out of my head to try to make this woman be Ren, so I can have some answers to why she would leave. Fuck, there I go again! I have to rid my mind of her, so I got back to watching Blaze.

She climbed up to the top of the pole and started to swing around. She was a pro with that and I see why guys talk about her like that, because she hasn't even taken any clothes off yet and she's still got your attention.

Both of her straps were off her shoulders when she hit the bottom of the pole. She revealed her breasts and pushed them up with her inner arms. That was so hot to see that, thoughts appeared in my mind what I wanted to do with her, and it involved her in my bedroom. Damn, it's been a while since I had some and now I'm having dirty thoughts about a stripper named Blaze, but those thoughts weren't as bad as the one I felt when I held Ren that night. Fuck, it goes back to her.

She climbed back to the top of the pole, I mean all the way to the top. My eyes were glued to her bare body and what she was about to do on that pole. She started to spin down from the pole; her shapely, creamy legs were spinning on the silver pole. She flipped under and started to spin around. I've seen stripper movies and those hip-hop music videos, but they had nothing on her at all. She had skills that are for sure, much more than these other strippers that asked if I wanted a dance. If I wanted a dance from anybody it would be her.

She got back to the bottom of the pole by spinning around it the entire ride. Then she flipped her red locks out of her face and the sexiest smile was brought on her face and right there I noticed that the way she smiled reminded me of Ren.

The crowd busted into applause, roots, and cheers in the club, but I was focusing in on the woman on the stage, trying to lose focus on anymore types of resemblances. She walked around the stage to collect the cash that was thrown during her performance, and she gave the crowd a small smile that was Ren's, and walked off.

I went back to last night and tried to put the pieces together. She had on a trench coat and underneath it was a matching bra and panty set. Damn it! How didn't I see it before? She obviously had on a lot of make-up, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions to why she was dressed that way. I need more answers. I found her in the last place that I thought I would find her, but she did say she worked in a dance studio. The studio is also near here, so she was just trying to make it better than what she really is. I have to talk to her and tell her that I'm not the type of person who judges and she could've told me.

Embry and Paul knocked me off of my inner dialogue.

"Bro, you alright? You just blacked out during the whole thing?" I shook my head and looked at them.

"Um…my bad it's just I was thinking about asking for a personal dance from her." I said every word getting lower as it came out.

"Jacob?" Embry said sarcastically as he held on to his chest for dear life. "Are you saying that you want to get dirty with the hottest stripper here? Also, the fact that she doesn't do private dance, didn't even cross your mind." I narrowed my eyes at his jackass antics, he just shrugged and swallowed down his drink.

"Anyways!" I punched Embry hard in the arm, and then he winced. "Who do I need to speak to in order to get that to happen?"

Embry pointed over to some guy with sandy brown hair trying to pull some drunk-off-his-ass guy off some dancer.

"He's the one the guys and I spoke to earlier. Good luck trying to get a chance at her." I got up and walked over to him and tapped his shoulder, since he was faced in the opposite direction.

"How may I help you?" He said in a extra friendly tone. Which sort of threw me off.

"Uh…I was wondering if I could get a dance with Blaze…alone?" I asked with confidence, maybe if I was a cocky ass I could get a chance.

He smirked before he busted out laughing. I raised my eyebrow at him, as he kept on laughing as if what I asked was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

"Sorry about this, but Blaze doesn't do private dances. Actually she isn't allowed to do so." He started to walk away, but the next words that came out of my mouth just spilled out of me before I knew it.

"I'll pay you $2,000 to get her alone. I'll pay her $1,000 also." As soon as those dollar bills came to his ears he turned around and was a few inches away from me with a look of shock on his face.

"You're serious? I don't play around when it comes down to the pay." I reached to the back of my pants pocket and took out my wallet showing him the many $500 dollar bills I had in my wallet.

"You're crazy to be walking around with that type of cash." His eyes widen as he stared at the at the bills that were in a tight grip in my hand. "You don't know when some crazy fucker is going to come around and try you." He smirked at what he said, but I wasn't the least bit laughing,

"I'd like to see the fucker try." My voice got darker and I saw him step back a few steps with his arms in surrender.

"I'm just fucking with ya, no need for the mood change." He nervously laughed. I nodded and tried to pressure him on, I was dead serious about seeing Ren.

"So… We have a deal?" I handed him the $2,000, which he took in a millisecond his face brighten and he nodded his head vigorously.

"Damn right Skippy. Go over to RM 6 and the lovely redhead will be right with you." He started to flip around the money like a little kid.

I walked over to the guys and told them that I'm gotta go the V.I.P room and they all groaned, but not as most as Embry.

"Dude that's so not fair! This is my day so I should be getting that private dance." I wanted to go off on them and say "The hell you are?" but that would seem sort of a claim issue to me and they think I'm just going after a dance. I'll just have to tell them soon.

"Well you aren't so don't wait up." I waved them all goodbye and I walked over to RM 6. Where I was going to get a chance to finally see and talk to Ren and get some answers out of her. I have no right to judge what she does for a living,I just wanted to understand why she would lie and leave me like that. I just wanted to know and if she wants nothing to do with me, then I'll just let her go for good.

I opened the door to the the V.I.P room and it was no bigger than an apartment bathroom with only a black leather couch in the far back. The walls were colored red, and designs of curvy woman in shadows were painted black on the walls. Not much detail, but it was private that's for sure.

I sat down in the couch and got comfortable. I need to make sure that when she walked through that door that I was calm and cool, I wanted to play with her mind a bit, before I really start to ask her questions.

Suddenly, the door opened and in comes Ren looking even sexier than she did on stage. She had on an green colored lace robe with fuzzy trimming. Her face was down as she walked in opening up her robe to me, showing a matching green lace bra and panty set. _Fuck me she looked good..._

"Hey baby, ready to have some fun because, I'm gonna..." She froze in mid-step when she saw it was me. I practically eye-fucked her half-naked body as she stood there shocked by my appearance.

"Jacob?"

_The one and only…_**  
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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Here's the next chapter back in Renesmee's POV. Thanks for the birthday shout outs and reviewing. It means a lot. **

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**"Jacob? What are you doing here?" I quickly closed my robe, feeling so embarrassed that he was seeing me like this. His grin just got wider, when I took that approach. Stupid idea

"It's a little late for that now, I've already seen everything." His eyes roamed my body and for some strange reason I liked it, no I loved it. When he looks at me I don't feel scared or disgusted, I feel good and that's not a great thing for me. I got back to the situation at hand…Jacob

"Well good for you." I turned around from him to shut the door. I wanted no interruptions with my time with Jacob and anyone could walk by. "So I guess you see now I was lying…" He cut me off with his laughing.

"Oh...You won't believe how I found out." He leaned back on the couch and patted the seat next to him, indicating I sit down. So I did, I just hoped no one walked in on me not doing my job.

"I took my ass to the dance studio, which isn't far from here and asked one of the teachers there _'May I speak to Ren'_ she told me a Ren doesn't work here. So I kept on asking and asking, thinking that they misunderstood, but no you lied." Jacob looked at me with hurt and disgust. "So I gave up, which is probably what you wanted…" Now it was my turn to interrupt.

"No!" I whispered-yelled. "I wanted to see you, but I can't. My life is a mess; I live with a drug dealer. I'm a stripper and you've got a career and everything going for you. I'm not going to mess that up for you!" Jacob leaned over and my heart stopped… it felt so tight, because of how close he was to me. I made sure he couldn't tell what he was doing to me by being this close.

"What…I don't get a say in who I want to get involved with? I'm not putting any pressure on you, but I have a say in who I want to talk to, if you don't want to talk to me…"

"No! I want too and I still do, but I'll be damned if I let you get caught in the crossfire. I can't get you out of my mind, Jacob…"

"What crossfire? Does it have something to do with that dude you're fucking around with…?" He closed his eyes and calmed himself down. "I'm sorry. You don't even know me and I'm acting like a possessive bastard that's known you for a while..." He leaned away from me and settled back on the couch. "I just feel something strong for you…Damn I'm fucking up." I heard his whispered the last part to himself, while shaking his head.

I feel the same way about him, but I just can't act on it. It sucks that he paid that much money to see me, and all I was going to do was reject it. An idea popped in my head in how I should repay him. To do something that wasn't in my character only Blaze's character, but I had to do something to wipe that frown off his handsome face, once and for all.

"I feel it too, Jacob." I slowly as I got up from my seat and walked a little bit over to stand right in front of him. "Let's just forget about last night, okay. Let's focus on now and what you've paid for." I opened my robe once again, but this time I let it fall to the floor and I kicked it off... I hope that my eyes were as lustful as his. I bit my lips and placed my hands on my hips looking at him. Jacob's eyes looks like they wanted to pop right out of its sockets.

"I didn't pay for this; I just wanted to talk to you." He voice was a bit of a stutter, but he got it across. "Put your robe back on." I can tell he didn't want to say those words, but he was being a gentleman, I didn't want him to be a gentleman. For the first time ever I really, really wanted to do this.

"What if I don't want to?" I spoke in a seductive voice. "What if I want to do this, Jacob?" I got closer to him, so close to him that I can feel his body heat radiating off mine. His eyes narrowed as he took a long deep look at my body, it felt so good for him to look at me like that, but he didn't touch me. I wanted him to touch me.

"Ren, if you don't stop right now. I'm going to explode… don't play with me like that. Put your robe back on." His dark eyes looked into mine and I saw what I wanted to see pure lust… Darkness inside of him that I want to explore.

I stepped closer to the point where my legs brushing against his legs. He leaned back on the couch and motioned for me to get closer so I hopped up over so my legs were on each side of his hips. My hands leaning on his chest for support. I was finally getting a chance to do what I wanted to do back at his place.

"So you're going to explain to me why you didn't tell me the truth?" His hands were on my hips as he gently squeezed and I moaned quietly, and got confused I thought we're just going to enjoy this.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about that right now?" I asked and my hands went into his hair. Yes I was really getting into it.

"I paid to talk to you. Yet, here you are straddling my body looking sexy as hell… It's something I've been thinking about as soon as you walked out of that shower, is just an added bonus." He licked his lips and gripped my hips to pull me closer. I smiled at him and slid my hands to the buttons of his shirt and un-did two of them as traced the skin there.

"I didn't want to tell you the truth, because I thought that you would feel disgusted that you picked up a stripper who was basically running away from her owner. Which is almost true in a way, but I was ashamed." I didn't look at his face; I focused on his chest as a distraction.

He tiled my chin up with his finger and looked into my eyes. "I noticed that you look down when you're nervous. Do I make you nervous?" Yes, but I wasn't going to tell him that. His warm breath breezed onto my face; it almost made me feel relaxed. Like there was no reason to be nervous with him.

"Do I?" I asked back. He scooted himself up on the couch, bring me with him.

"You do. I was mostly nervous that you wouldn't come, but seeing you waltzed up in here ready to do something, made all that nervousness disappear." He teased at how I introduced myself.

I blushed hard and bit my lip. "Yeah, I never did anything like this since I worked here. It was only stage performances and giving lap dances in public. So you're my first." The last part came out very lustful for my taste, but I can't help but be like this around him. He wiggled his eyebrows and I blushed harder.

"So, how do you really feel about me being a stripper? That's the reason I lied. I was ashamed that you we're going to say something about it, I mean everyone is entitled to their opinion." His hand reached up from my left hip, to be on my neck as he caressed.

"I'm the last person on earth to ever try to talk down on what you do for a living, or how you get by." I gave him a small smile as he continued. "I wasn't this guy that you see in front of you years ago. I had problems with school, skipping, and other shit. I had to work hard to get this. I didn't come from a rich family or a good one in fact. So, you were wrong you could've told me. I'm not perfect, so I don't judge. There must be a reason?" Can this man get any more amazing? Here he was basically understanding what I do and puts himself in that category.

"There is a reason. I want to go back to school and finish getting my bachelor's. I wasn't able to so… now I want to go back and I need the money." My fingers still tracing his skin. It was so crazy how we're so comfortable around each other. Here I am straddling his hips and his hands are running on my neck, to gripping my hips now and then, and he would touch my bare stomach. It wasn't only sexual, but it was nice kind of like a friendship on a higher level.

He nodded. "So why did you leave?" His tone had a bit of an edge to it; I knew that question was coming sooner or later. I dreaded this question the moment I saw his face.

"I told you earlier my life has consequences, and I won't put you in that." I sneered. Jacob face neared mine and it almost made my heart stop again.

"I don't give a damn, Ren. I don't understand why women want the fucking douche bags? You could've left a note or something. Look I'm not going to tell you what or what not to do with your life ok." He thinks I want Felix?

"Listen Jacob, I don't want Felix. I'm so fucked up that I can't even put you though that, it's not only Felix, it's me that you need to stay away from. I'm toxic even to myself." Damn it! I said too much.

"What do you mean by toxic to yourself?" Jacob's face was full of concern and that's the last thing I wanted to do, I just wanted to be in his lap talking about other stuff not this.

"Nothing!" I jumped. "Forget I said anything ok." I rush him out of that question; I wasn't ready to talk about it.

"How can I just forget, Ren? I know something it up with you, it might have to do with that guy or something else, but you can't keep it bottled up forever." I was getting pissed, beyond pissed that he was figuring out that something is wrong with me, so I hoped this works, but I don't have a choice.

I reached behind my back and tried to unclasp my bra, but Jacob caught on quick and raced his hands behind me to stop it from happening.

"What the hell are you doing?" His hands nearly crushing mine underneath, but I didn't mind. I wanted him to drop what I have kept secret and doing something outrageous was going to do that.

"Doing my job." I shrugged. "I can't have you pay me $1000 with seeing nothing, so let go so I can show you." He moved up to me so my breasts were pressed against his hard pecs, and mine harden in seconds, with his hands still holding me captive. I'm so hopeless and yet what he was doing to me was only making me like it.

"Fine, I'll drop it for now, just don't take it off." His voice sounding somewhat determined.

"Alright." I rolled my eyes and nodded. He let go of my hands as I fixed the back of my bra, and getting settled back in his lap. Jacob looked at me with a smirk on his face and shaking his head.

"What?" My hands going back to his slightly opened chest.

'You're a handful that's all. You were going to take off your bra, just to get me to drop it?" He raised his eyebrow at me. "How did you think that was going to work?" Jacob's hands moved down to grip my thighs as I moaned a little. See how we go from friendly to sexual.

"Like it's working now?" He grinned. "Why you don't want to see me bra-less?" I teased, but I really wanted to know.

"Actually I do, but like I told you earlier I already had seen you. I was at the bachelor party for one of my friends. He's getting married soon." Oh so that's why he's here. "But, I don't want to feel uncomfortable, since I'm your first private dance..." He couldn't tell how free I feel.

"Jacob, the last thing I feel is uncomfortable. I'm touching your chest and your hands are rubbing all on my body and I didn't have to beat the shit out of you, yet." He chuckled. "I feel better now, that you're here. I've been missing you since I left I didn't want to do it, but I promise I won't do it again." I was serious about that, now that we've got this closer to each other verbally and physically I didn't want to let him go.

"I missed you too." He ran his fingers down my arm. "So you want to be friends first? Get to know each other more." I smiled at his gesture, but I wanted to do things to him that wasn't so friendly.

"Sure, I like that idea." I agreed. I moved my escaping hair that was falling into my face, to the back. Jacob was staring at me for a minute before he spoke again.

"Why did you…um dye your hair? Not that it's bad or anything, it's really hot on you." I giggled at his way of not trying to be rude, but compliment at the same time. "I just like your natural hair color, because it was a much different color that I don't see from others."

I pushed my hair back and blushed at him. "Thanks, but it was for the Blaze character you saw on stage. According to those people, I needed the hair to make it complete." I rolled my eyes at the reason to dye my hair.

"Blaze? You came up with that name?"

"Yeah, in a way. It just came up along the way, not really a big time story to discuss." I looked away from him to the wall. I heard Jacob exhaled as he leaned back on the couch; his warmth was away from me in seconds.

"He gave that you that name right?" Jacob folded his arms and placed them over his head looking up at me.

I nodded. "It's not a big deal; he's the one who introduced me to this business. You're not mad are you?" Feeling stupid for asking that question.

He laughed. "No. Why should I? You were or are involved with him. I was just getting comfortable to the couch; you know I'm not as young as I look." I had to laugh at that one, Jacob was at least fifteen years older than me, but that just makes it even hotter with the age span.

I decided to tease him a bit. "Mmhmm you are a bit of an old man. You need me to go help you up? I don't want to walk over my elders." I giggled. Jacob grabbed my waist with each of his hands and pressed me flesh against his body. I gasped softly at the sudden move.

"No thank you, I think I can handle your ass." He whispered against in my ear. "Got anything more to add?" He said huskily. I was having fun with this, with him. I haven't felt this way in years.

I leaned over as I was near his ear and I had a firm grip on his biceps that were bulging under my grip. "Well let me see you try. Don't hurt yourself." My lips brushed gently over his ear and smiled.

He playfully growled and gripped my waist tighter and before I could say anything else, he flipped me over on the couch and his body was right over mine. His eyes were wild with excitement and I'm sure mine's was too; I was acting like a kid again and apparently so was Jacob.

"So what you got to say now?" he chuckled lightly.

I spread my legs apart, which made Jacob's lower region fall in between. I felt him grow under me, but I didn't make any facial expressions or noise as I felt him grow harder and harder. So I moved my hips up to his and pressed against him harder than I intended, he felt so good against me that I couldn't help it.

"I've got nothing to say." I gave him an evil smile.

He shook his head. "You're a big tease you know that?" He chuckled. "Want to know how I deal with teases?" He began to tickle my sides at fast pace. I was uncontrollably laughing and trying to tickle him back, but there was no use.

"Jaacccob, ssstoopp!" I giggled and he laughed along with me. He kept on tickling me until he finally had enough. As I was trying to calm myself down, Jacob's hand caressed my cheek and his thumb lightly pressed my bottom lip. I stood still and stared at him, as he stared at me. It was so silent in those few seconds, that I was ready to lean up and kiss him, before I knew it he was leaning down towards my face. I was so anxious for this…

Caught up in the moment, we didn't even hear the door open until it was slammed against the wall. I looked over to see Felix's red face and shaky arms. My eyes widen in horror of what Felix was going to do to me. I knew that Felix always got mad when he thought I was flirting with other guys, but this time I really was and enjoying it.

I leaned up to get back further away from him, but Jacob's hands were tight against mine as he threw me behind him.

"Ren! What the fuck is this? I told your slutty ass not to be flirting with these men. They don't give a fuck about you!" I began to hyperventilate behind Jacob; he had one hand in mine behind him squeezing to get me to get calm. The other was in front of him, halting at Felix.

"Hey! You need to calm the fuck down! You're scaring her!" I was holding onto Jacob's hand for dear life, having no intention in letting go.

Felix's eyes shot to Jacob's and he saw how he was protective of me. "Who the fuck are you! She's not suppose to have private dances, I forbid her! This piece of trash just disobeyed me!" I did the dumbest thing and reacted.

"You don't fucking own me! I do what the hell I want! I'm so fucking done with you and you degrading comments! He…" I pointed to Jacob. "has more respect for me than you'll ever will! I was with him last night! Yes, I was a complete dumb ass to even go back to you!" Jacob turned around.

"You don't have to say anything." Jacob said rubbing my arm. I shook my head and touched his hand over my arm.

"Yes I do." I looked over to see Felix even redder, like a burgundy color.

"For the past year, I've kept up with your abuse both physical and verbal towards me. I… am in the vulnerable state that I'm in put up with it! Well no more I'm finish and you're out of my life!" Felix rushed over to grab me, but Jacob punched him in the face and he fell onto the floor. I tried to run out, but Felix recovered and grabbed my leg in a tight grip. I tried to yank myself of it and tried to kick him, but I kept on missing.

I fell onto the floor and hurting my kneecaps. The throbbing was so heavy that I couldn't even pick my legs up and run. I heard grunts and yells coming from both Felix and Jacob. Felix finally got over to me and yanked my head up by my hair and made me look at Jacob. He was beaten so badly, but Felix face was badly bruised too. He had a purple eyes and his mouth was bruised on the side as was his cheek.

"See that's what happens when you fuck around, Ren. I beat the shit out of them." I found my legs becoming less heavy and took that chance to knee him in the balls, but I missed and he smacked me across my face.

I was getting so dizzy and almost blinded by that hit, that I didn't see Jacob come over and pulled me away from him, but Felix grip was so tight around my arm there was no use.

"You lost your fucking mind! You don't hit a woman like that." Jacob stepped on his toe hard which cause him to not only let me go, but he viciously threw me, and I fell head first against a table that I didn't see there when I got into the room.

Before I knew it I blacked out…**  
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	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So sorry for how late I am with posting this, but I was trying to make sure it was good. This fic is really personal to me and I wanted to make it as good as I possibly can. Still no good reason for a three month hiatus. Thanks to Efficient Vixen for the reminder. **

**So tell me what you think! ;D **

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I awoke with my head spinning, my vision was cloudy and fuzzy. All I could do was listen and hear Jacob's voice, and his tone wasn't so nice at all. It sounded like he was in a very heated argument with another familiar voice.

"Look at what you did to her!" Jacob screamed. "You son of a bitch!" From what it looked like to my eyes, he pushed him into the wall and got up in his face. "How can you hit someone as small as she is?"

"I…I...I don't know. She just really made me mad and I wasn't thinking clearly…" Felix stuttered. I heard Jacob's breathing becoming rapid and groggy. If only I was in the right state of mind and I could open my eyes and put him out of his misery.

"Thinking clearly? You fucking hit her as if she was a fucking man! You had no right to fucking do that!" He spat. "You know what just get the fuck out of here, before I kill you! She won't even wake up and it's all fault!" His breathing raced up and if Felix wasn't out of the room now, he'll probably do something that will cause major consequences.

"Ren? Honey, please wake up. You're scaring the hell out of me." I heard Jacob's voice that sounded less angry, but more scared. "That's it I'm calling 911. She isn't responding." There was a moment of silence, before Felix's voice coming back in.

"Cops? No...Nnnoo…no cops!" I knew Felix was a pussy when it came to the Feds' but if my head wasn't spinning so much I would have to say a couple of words to the coward.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jacob screamed again. I could tell that he was getting real impatient with Felix and his presence. "She needs medical attention and I'll be damned if I'll let you get away with it." I heard Jacob talking on the phone, which was probably the 911 call. When I heard the sound of footsteps coming towards me, I was hoping that it was Jacob's presence and I was right when I felt warm and strong arms protecting me from what it seemed like at that moment…_myself_.

"I've got you, honey. I'm talking you outside so when the ambulance comes they'll get to you to the hospital, so you'll get the treatment that you need." Jacob voice was soothing and calmed me in a way. His fingers were stroking through my hair at a relaxing pace. I suddenly felt a breeze coming through me and I figured that we were outside the club now.

As I was still faced with darkness and fear in me, different voices were coming in and out of my ear. It was probably the paramedics. They were either forcing my eyelids open, or constantly asking me to wake up. I heard another voice addressing Jacob and asking a quick question about what had happened to me, but I didn't hear anything else after that because my breathing become erratic, as the voice surrounding me came on much faster and louder. My lungs becoming tighter that I couldn't breathe, it was a bad feeling and it hurts like hell.

The last thing I heard was Jacob's voice begging me to hold on, and I'll be already. His hand squeezing mine was the last thing I could feel before I fell into unconsciousness.

I got back to another flashback that concerned that night that I was with my so called class partner.

"_You should've thought about my feelings, before you suddenly turned them down!" He screamed as yanked me to a bedroom._

_I was scared for my life, not knowing what this guy might end up doing next. So when he tore a hole into my top, and straddled my body that was forcibly thrown down onto the bed, I knew I had to think quick to get out of this situation. _

_I waited until I knew that he wasn't so attention so much to my movements and took that chance and kicked him hard in the balls. He winced and tried to recover himself, but I quickly grabbed the nearest object around me, which was a lamp. My arm went back as far as it can go and bashed the lamp on top if his head. His body fell right off the bed and straight to the floor._

_Being as scared as I was, I leaned over the bed to see him out cold. I jumped out of the bed and ran as fast as I could to the front door. When I finally made it to the front door, I ran straight into someone, almost knocking me straight to the ground. Whoever this person was had a tight grip onto me, as if they didn't want to let go. I looked up and was faced with my drugged out boyfriend Nahuel. _

_His eyes were so red and blotchy and his body was wobbly and sloppy. He couldn't even stand straight as he held onto me for dear life. That's why I've been trying to contact him, so I could break up with him. I didn't need to deal with his drama bullshit any longer. _

"_Renesmee? What are you doing here?" He slurred. Drool was dribbling down his chin as he talked; it was so disgusting that I had to look away for a moment to collect myself. "You didn't return any of my phone calls earlier. You mind telling me wuts got ya doing that?" _

_His body language did not fit his speaking. He was moving all over the place and just couldn't stay still, even if he wanted too I didn't think he can. I didn't know whether to feel sorry for him, or to just roll my eyes at the scene that I'm too familiar with. _

"_We need to talk. I don't have the patience to look after you anymore. Nahuel, I'm tired of playing the same old game with you, and running after your ass on a daily basis. It's over! _

_As those words came out of my mouth it just made Nahuel's eyes got narrower and he had this sinister look in his eyes, when I said that it's over between us. _

"_It's over?" His body began to shake, even more now that he's mad. He looks mental like he wants to kill me. My eyes widen and took a careful step back. "The hell it is! I'll be done with you, when I'm fucking sick of you! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!" I jumped walked back, but he just kept walking forward._

_His voice picked up more volume as he kept on screaming on, how I could do this to him. Or I'm fucking selfish. Still shaken with fury, it was like watching a ticking time bomb that was ready to explode. I tried my best to get away from him, but being as little as I was compared to him, he dominated me._

_He threw his arm up and viciously grabbed me by my arm, crushing me to his uncomfortably warm body. _

"_Where do you think you're going? You should know better than to run away from me. Bad shit can happen Renesmee." he placed his dirty hand over my mouth and began to walk us over to his car. I kicked and fought as hard as I could to prevent from getting into that car. _

_All I really ended up doing was causing more trouble. He kept on throwing threats to hurt me if I didn't cooperate, or he was being a complete jackass and touching me inappropriately, As if that shit was going to calm me down. It really sucks that this shit was happening to all because of the wrong choice I made. _

_As he picked up my legs and threw me into the car, I knew that things were only going to turn in for the worst. _

Being hit by darkness all of a sudden was one hell of a feeling. It didn't take me long to realize that I was dreaming all over again. Having no idea what triggered it or what caused that part of my dreadful past to come back and haunt me. It seemed now that the more bad shit happens, the more I'm faced with the demons of that night, leading up to that terrible accident.

What was the real reason why I can't seem to shake it off and be done with reliving the past? Maybe it's telling me to let it out and if I don't then keep on living the memories.

My eyes now fully opened to see nothing but white in my view. I squeezed me eyes shut before opening them back up to look at the same color once again. I soon felt something in my nose and only to find out that I'm hooked up to a breathing machine. I jumped out of bed only to panic and a nurse came in to try to calm me down.

"Where am I? What happened?" I frantically asked the nurse. She just shushes me and told me to calm down and that everything will be alright. I couldn't calm down, because I have no idea how I got here.

The nurse had a syringe in her hand and was about to eject into the machine to calm me down, but Jacob rushed through the doors and for some reason, my body immediately chilled itself.

The nurse looked back at the monitor and looked surprised and thanked Jacob for coming in when he did. The left the room to give us privacy and I sat up on the lumpy bed and looked up at a depressed Jacob.

"You had me worried sick there for a minute. The doctors couldn't get you to respond." Jacob said as he grabbed the wooden chair and pulled it up to the side of the bed.

I looked around the room to get a better view at where I was being held. I figured a hospital as much, but I have no idea why I'm here. It's a huge blank and that's not a good sign.

"You don't remember anything from last night?" Jacob asked timidly. His eyes looked red, as if he hasn't slept any. He still looked good though, despise the red eyes.

"Not really just after Felix came in and interrupted us I draw a blank. All I have is this massive headache that keeps on bashing my head in." I groaned.

Jacob gets closer, but becomes stiff when he notices that my eyes widen. It wasn't that I was scared, but just caught off guard.

"I'm sorry for invading your space. I just want to see if your cut is healing right. I'm surprised they have bandaged it again." I stayed still as Jacob got impossibly closer and checked out the side of my head. _He smells as good as I last remembered._

"It looks a lot better than yesterday. _That fucking bastard." _He whispered the last to himself, but I still heard him. "I should tell you what happened, unless you don't want to hear it right now."

I shook my head fiercely. I had to know what happened and why can't I remember what happened only last night.

Jacob went over and told me everything that happened right from when I drawled a blank. I can't believe Felix would do that, when he promised he would stop, but I guess you can't really make someone stop, unless they want to do so.

"Where's Felix now?" I asked. I feared that maybe he got off the hook again and this time is waiting for me, so he could finish the job.

"He's in jail. Don't know how long until they post bail or whatever, but he won't get near you, if that's what you're worried about." Jacob stated. "That guy is fucking insane and you shouldn't be near him." I know I shouldn't, but I don't want to enlist Jacob into this mess. I created it and I'll be damned if he gets involved.

"Jacob, I refuse for you to protect me."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favs last chapter! **

**I love hearing what you think, and I hope you like this chapter. **

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"Ren? I don't want to boss you around, but I really care about you. That guy could be out there and waiting for you. I'm not going to just let you walk out of here without some sort of idea that he's not coming after you." Jacob said with determination.

I had to admit that it feels nice to be cared about in such a way, but he doesn't understand that I care about him too; enough to keep him away from me at all costs.

"Jacob…You can't get involved. That's it. I'll handle it, but thanks for caring." I looked down to my hidden feet under the covers, because I can't just look at his face. I mean I'm scared to be alone, but sometimes you've got to face your fears in order to keep others away.

I felt Jacob's presence now over me, still I was too ashamed to look at him, and so I had to tell him.

"Go away, Jacob. I don't need you here." I told him with a straight tone.

He sighed and placed his finger under my chin to look up at him. His brown colored eyes are filled with such emotion and honesty that I couldn't find myself to tear away from them.

"You don't mean that." He simply said and I don't mean it. How could I deny such a man, who's willing to risk his normal life for a screw up like me.

"Yes, I do." I snapped. Jacob just stood there and not believe a word I just said, and he even chuckled a bit, before walking back to his seat.

"Well I'm not taking no for an answer, Ren. Once you get discharged you're going to give me directions to that bastard's place. Then grabbed all your stuff and we're going to head back to my place. We clear." He snapped back at me.

I was completely turned on, by his commands and that immediately pissed me off. How dare he command me to stay with him? _Ren shut the hell up! You know you like a man in control. _

I raised my eyebrow at him getting comfortable in his seat and scoffed at what he wants me to do.

"What's so funny? You think I'm bluffing?" I shrugged not saying a word could be good and get him to leave, but deep down I don't want him to at all. That's my big problem right there.

"You know I'm not exactly the cleanest person to live with." I suggested to him, but he smirked and responded.

"Really? This is coming from the same girl who fixed up the guest room before she left." _Damn he caught me._

"Well that was a conquincidence. I thought I was being nice, but at times I get all lazy and not want to do anything." I crossed my arms over my shoulders.

"That's hardly a reason for me to change my mind about you. I'm not scared of what Felix is or what the hell he's going to do next. Look I'm going to call the police department and ask if Felix is still in jail. Also, I going to talk to the nurse and see how long it will be until they release you." Jacob took out his iPhone and started to look through it and I saw him mouthed out "fuck".

"Is there something wrong?" I asked wondering what might've caused that quick change to anger.

"Nothing you need to worry over. So, I'll be back and don't try to run away from me or I just have to cuff your ass to the bed." He scowled playfully.

"I won't object to that." I smirked and wiggled my fingers to joke with him. He smiled at me, before he walked out the door and shut it behind him.

I was suddenly worried what made Jacob curse like that? I hoped that it had nothing to do with Felix or anything associated with Felix. He's known for having other men do his dirty work for him. That's one of the main reasons why Jacob shouldn't get involved.

I sometimes wish I never got involved with a man who has his way with power, yet he's a straight pussy through and through. I continued to stay put like a good girl and waited for Jacob, when the same nurse from earlier came over and had some gauze and white tape in her hands, wearing a smile on her face.

"Ok honey, let's get you all patched up." I smiled slightly and let her do her job. I was beginning to feel so frustrated that I couldn't even remember what happened a few hours ago. I desperately wanted answers and I needed them now, so once I'm out of this place I'm asking Jacob.

Jacob came back in ten minutes right after the nurse was finished with me. He smiled attentively, but I knew it was forced since I pull that same card all the time. I was going to pull his chain later, because I was ready to leave according to the doctor.

Jacob handed me a navy blouse and a pair of flare jeans. That just made me wonder how in the hell did he get these and how did he know my size?

I raised an eyebrow at him as I took the clothes. I would question that later too. I began to hop off the bed and untie the hospital gown I had on, when Jacob excused himself immediately. _I wouldn't mind to dress in front of him, but he's being a gentleman. Ever the gentleman he is…_

When I was dressed, Jacob came back in and came over to by the bed to see if I was alright and if I needed help walking. I shook my head no and followed him out the hospital to the parking lot. The sun was shiny so bright that it gave me another intense headache that I almost tripped over my own two feet. I steadied my step and began walking at a normal pace.

Jacob could tell that I was still struggling and help me walked the rest of the way and into the car. He told me that we we're going over to Felix's place to grab all of my stuff, before he gets there. As soon as he said that my head turned towards his direction and waited for him to further explain.

"The reason I got a little agitated earlier is because Felix got released on bail and now he's free." _Damn it! I knew that would happen. _

"Really? That fucking early? Fuck, how can the system not see that he put me in a fucking hospital?" I spat. I have never been so angry in the last couple of months until now. I just hope to god that I don't have to face him when I get there.

"Ren, you don't have to go into that house alone. I'll come with you if that's what you need." God, this man is too sweet for his own good. How did I end up having this Greek god of an Adonis come be a savior.

"Don't worry about me; I don't have much to pack since most of my belonging is already in bags. It shouldn't take more than five minutes."

"I'm not taking no for an answer. Why must you argue with me, woman?" He teased as he hopped out the car.

I followed suit and got out the car and leaned on the side door. "I'm not…It's just that I don't want to get you further involved than you already are." He sighed in annoyance and placed his hands on the car door.

"Don't you think that it would be my problem, towards how far involved I get? Quite frankly I don't give two damns, so do us both a favor and stop asking me to back off." He smiled sheepishly. I rolled my eyes playfully and started walking towards the front door to see that it was still dark and the blinds we're still opened from where we felt it yesterday. _Thank god_

I unlocked the door and cautiously stepped in, making sure that Felix wasn't just standing in the dark waiting to pounce at me. I could never be too careful when it comes to him.

I went straight to the bedroom to pack my stuff and I noticed that Jacob was just right behind me watching my every move. I almost felt like he was my bodyguard and protecting every move I made and it was cute, but just a tab bit creepy.

"You don't have to just stand there and watch me you know?" This mysterious savior has not only saved my life, but he's caring and seems so sweet. What does he even see in me?

"Why not? I do like what I'm seeing." He flirted. As I finished packing up all of my belongings, I turned to look at him with my eyebrow raised and trotted towards him with my three bags in each hand.

I moved closer to him so I was eye-level with his chest. "So…what do you see?" I breathed, as I tossed my hair back to get a reaction out of him.

The reaction I got was him placing his large hand on my left hip and grasping it softly in his hand. It took all the strength I had not to moan, but I did good and kept my composure.

"A lot of things, it would take all day for me to tell them to you." He smirked. I quickly moved away from his embrace, before I do some major sexual things to him. He chuckled softly at what just happened and begun walking around the room mindlessly.

"So if you don't mind me asking how did you and Felix meet?" _Damn, I knew that question was going to come up_

"Umm…about two years ago. He saw that I needed to get back on my feet and he helped me do that." I told him as quickly as possible. I really can't tell him that he found me on the street looking hopeless and completely dead, because I was.

"Oh, so he was a good guy before?" He hesitantly asked. I knew that he just wanted to know, but for right now I don't want to think about Felix. I want to clear him…the sooner the better. _The memories started to come back full-force of last night. How he caught the position I was in with Jacob. Felix and Jacob fighting and his slapping me. Finally, I remember Felix tossing me aside and I hit my head, after that it was all blank. _

"I don't mean to be rude, but I don't want to discuss Felix. Can we talk about something else and get the hell up out of here?" I added lightly with a soft smile.

"Sure, the quicker we leave the better." He took my bags from under me and tossed it over his shoulder and walked out the bedroom as I followed.

The ride back to his place was quiet, but that's only because I was deep into my thoughts the whole time he tried to make light conversation. I apologized about my spaciness, and losing focus every second. It's not that I didn't want to listen to him, because I do. It's just I'm constantly waiting for something bad to happen, for some reason I believe that good things always end up being tragedies.

We made it back in one peace and I was suddenly watching my surrounding like a hawk. Still, for me to come out of nowhere being defensive and jumpy was concerning Jacob.

"Why are you turning your back every few seconds? I won't let anything happen to you." He said serious. _God, if I wasn't so scared I could just tell him everything. _

"Sorry, past habits are very hard to break." I told him lightly, but Jacob still looked concerned as we went into the house.

Jacob dropped my bags by the staircase and reached out for my hand. I looked at it hesitantly, just to tease him and he just chuckled.

"Come on, sweets. I'm not going to bite." His husky laughter was enough for me to turn this innocent interaction into a dirty one.

"No, but I might." I laughed and took his hand for whatever reason he wanted.

"And I'll gladly let you. No pun intended." His voice turned darker at each word. _How can I possibly not, take this man?…God so hard._

"I'll just have to take you up on that offer someday, huh?" I squeezed his hand inside of mine and shook it just to confirm it.

"Well I can't wait for it." He simply said as he then jumped into another conversation. "So you want to eat? I'm sure that the hospital food didn't satisfy you." He finished off with a hot smile.

"Yeah, I'm starved you're going to order something?" I asked getting more excited that I'm going to eat something that my taste buds can actually enjoy.

"I already did. I hope you like Chinese? I also hope you don't mind take out again?" Was he serious? I may be a lot of things, but picky isn't one of them.

"Seriously? I'll eat anything whether it home cooked or not. As long as it tastes good, it's alright with me." I smiled.

There was a knock on the door and I assumed that it was the food, because I could smell it from here. _Boy, did it smell good._

Jacob answered the door and paid him and gave him a tip. The deliver guy looked very pleased. I should know the guy gives good tips. We headed over to the kitchen, where he placed the bag of food and I stood there and watched as he placed it all on the table.

"Have a seat. You know you're living here now, so you don't have to act scared especially around me. I'm one of the nicest and chilled out people you'll ever meet." He said with a grin.

I took a seat on the barstool and took the container filled with Lo Mein and Sesame Chicken and pulled it to me. "You're not lying about that." I said and looked at him as he dug into his food, like a maniac.

"What's that suppose to mean?" He teased with his mouth full.

"You know what that means, I just met you a couple of nights ago and you save me. You didn't know what I was, so when you say you're nice, you're not lying. Take it as a compliment." I giggled.

"Oh, believe me I do. It's just that I want you to loosen up. You know feel free here and not feel like you have to wait for me to say anything. I chose you to be here, so you shouldn't feel reserved." I smiled at what he told me. He wanted me to relax and chill, but I can't allow myself to do so when I haven't done it in so long. Still for Jacob, I'll try I don't want him figuring out anything so soon. I want to try to start fresh.

"I don't feel reserved, I just…It's a different environment and I didn't want to make myself feel so comfortable. Now that I have your say so, I'll be chill." I gave him a smile that he quickly returned.

"That's all I ask, Ren." We continued to eat and talk about one another and our pasts. I was very proud of the way; I avoided questions about my family and just answered the simple ones that involved fewer complications to where they are now or what they do. I just focused on me…and that's still hard.

I asked him about how did he know what size clothes to get, and he simply put that he knows a woman's size when he sees one. He gave me a look over and I blushed. _I freaking blushed, like a high-school girl. _He sure does know what to say and how to say it, so I left it like that.

It was getting late and I was getting tired by the minute. It still must be the medication in my system that's making me feel drowsy. I yawned and Jacob looked at me as he threw away our trash.

"Getting sleepy huh?" He asked and made his way over to me. I nodded and stretched out on the chair.

"You can head up to the same room as before. It's just how you left it last." I got up from my seat and made my way upstairs. Just as I about to turn around, Jacob was right in-front of me with a sheepish look on his face. _It was so adorable_

"I just wanted to give you a good night hug…for your benefit." He added with a chuckle. He placed his strong hands on the small of my back and pulled me close to him. _Mmmm…I love his hugs even more._

"Don't you mean for your benefit? You are the one who always asks for them." I wrapped my arms around his middle and squeezed him.

"You caught me. You have a good sleep and I'll see you in the morning." He added as confirmation, not a question. I giggled and nodded at the same time.

I reached the top of the stairs and looked down to still see Jacob watching me. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed, or freaked out by it. It actually made me feel even better. I grinned and keeping walking until I reached the guest room.

I took off all my clothing and just crawled into the bed. As soon as I head hit the pillow, I fell fast into a deep slumber. The darkness the surrounded me turned into another memory from my past.

_Nahuel forced me in the car with me still fighting against him and throwing all kinds of punches his way. His alcohol stricken breath breezed across my face as he gripped my neck and spat the most in the vilest tone I've ever heard from him._

"_I swear to god Renesmee if you don't stop fighting me, I'll fucking rip your neck off. You're starting to piss me the fuck off! I mean it." He growled and slammed the passenger door, before walking over to the driver's door. _

_I knew that it was good for him to drive, since he's not in the mind set he supposed to be in. I'm afraid that he's going to let his anger get the best of him and hurt us both. My heart started to pace and throb deep in my chest as Nahuel opened the door, got in, and shut it. _

_He turned towards me and lifted his hand to try to brush against my face, but I jerked away. I did not want him touching me, and for that reaction, I had to suffer his consequences. _

_Nahuel traced his left hand on my thigh and began to rub my skin. I stood there frozen and wide-eyed at his movements as the crept up closer to my center and I moved back. Nahuel groaned and gripped my thigh tight and dragged me up to his body. _

_He was no big man, but he wasn't small either. My fragile body can stand a chance against him, and I felt tears begging to breakthrough as he ripped my blouse open and I whimpered in sadness. _

"_You're not going to move a muscle, Rennie. Not if you want to get cut." He brought out a sharp pocket knife and waved it in my face. A tear escaped as I stared at the knife as he moved it on the dashboard._

"_So you're going to give me something to remember you by. You can leave me without me giving a chance to redeem myself. I promise you, Rennie that I'll try you well, unless you give me a hard time then I'll have to use my pointy knife on you." He spoken in the most vicious tone and I felt myself nodded. _

_I couldn't fight…I was scared and if I live to tell I promise myself that I would never get this weak again. I cried throughout what Nahuel did to me. He wasn't the least bit gentle and I just sat there and took it, until I blacked myself out. _

Coming back to reality, I didn't even notice that I was screaming and yelling at Nahuel to stop, since I didn't do that before. Going back I regretted not fighting back and resorted to not taking a chance and fighting back.

I must've still been asleep, because I soon felt arms on each of my forearms forcing me to awake, I jumped up out of the bed and clutched the comforter to my chest, as I took in my surroundings.

I came face to face with Jacob's worried one. I took a deep breath and exhaled and I rushed over him, I didn't let myself think. I was pressed against his chest and his hands stopped at the middle of my back and held me tight.

I snuggled closer to him, not feeling any safer than I do now that I'm in his arms. The tears kept streaming down my face, as the memory of what Nahuel did to me became more visual than a few minutes ago.

Jacob being the sweet guy that he is, stays quiet and running his fingers through the ends of my hair and rubbing my back. He moved me back down on the bed slowly and gently, while rubbing the tears off my face. As I felt Jacob letting me go, I held onto his forearms and looked up to his face.

"Please stay with me…I need you." I whispered. He nodded and smoothed my hair out of my face and got under the covers with me, but he didn't move closer to me. It was like he was a million miles away. _I wanted him close. _

I scooted over to him and laid my head on his chest and he held me close. I guess he was just waiting for me to come to him. It didn't matter as long as he was here and I can quickly rid my mind of what happened, but I can't seem to stop crying.

I hear Jacob's soft whispers in my ear shushing me softly and telling me that he isn't going to leave. "I'm right here, Ren. It's going to be alright." He spoke softly making me instantly melt, but it wasn't enough.

Will I ever get over this? All I know is that if it wasn't for Jacob, I don't know how I was going to be able to get back to sleep after that horrible nightmare.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Writer's block is the reason for the five month absence. I'm sorry, but I'm back on track. **

**Enjoy! ;D**

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The sun shined bright through the window making me squint and groan softly. I suddenly felt colder, more uncomfortable. I moved up so fast that I was in a sitting position and I was quickly faced with Jacob sitting on the very end of the bed.

_Has he been here all night? If he has that must explain how I reacted to him being gone. _

Jacob stayed at the edge of the bed, but his face looked very tired, it was like he didn't even get any sleep last night. _I must have really worried him…god how bad did I scream?_

"Jacob…" I trailed off. I have no idea what to say or even how to say it. I got up from under the covers and went over to him and grabbed his face and looked into his eyes.

"How are you feeling? You're feeling good?" He asked as he placed his hands over mine. I nodded and moved even closer to him.

"Yeah, I just had a bad dream…well a nightmare that freaked me out. I'm so sorry that I stopped you from getting a good night sleep. I feel so terrible."

Jacob took my hands off his face and began to rub little circles around them.

"You shouldn't feel bad; I mean it's not your fault that this dream freaked you out. I wasn't going to let you be in here alone, whether you asked me to stay or not. I would have no questions asked." He said softly.

"I know that, but I just can't help but get mad for doing that…" He cut me off and strongly made it clear that I shouldn't feel guilty.

"Don't do this to yourself. I told you already, you can't help what you dream about. Don't be mad at yourself, because I'm not. Got it?" He asked me.

I nodded. "Do you want to talk about this dream?" He asked carefully. I sighed and got off my knees and sat at the edge of the bed next to him. _I can't talk about it right now, it's too soon. Plus, how I can I tell another man about how my ex-boyfriend raped me after I broke up with him. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. _

"Not right now…I'm sorry it's just too much to even think about let alone talk about." I said sincerely. "But as soon as I can I'll tell you everything." _Absolutely everything._

He nodded and I looked him over to see that he was in nothing but a white t-shirt and basketball shorts. I was so tired last night that I didn't even change. I was dressed in my underwear and I didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable.

Jacob must've been so worried about me, because he hasn't gave me one look over towards my body. He was always looking at my face.

"As long as you're okay now, is all that matters to this point. Just know that for future reference that I'll be there for you. You can always count on me, for space, someone to hold, or to talk." He told me.

"I know I can count on you. You're the first guy that I've ever trusted so quickly." I turned to my side and moved closer to hug him. "Thanks for staying. You really helped me…you've always helping me since I've met you." Jacob tightens his grip around my waist and I held him just as tight.

As we both let go, Jacob stops and looks at me with adoration in his eyes, which makes a shiver creep up my back and throughout my entire body. His stare is so intoxicating that it's hard to even look away from.

I hold his stare with much intensity as his, as we both held each other in silence. My hands gripped his forearms, while his are still gripped on each side of my waist. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach flutter every second he moves his hands along my waist.

He leans forward very slowly that it's almost painful. It seems like he's going to kiss me, but I can't be sure. I just sat there very still until his lips press against my forehead for about ten seconds before pulling away.

My eyes closed at the sensation of his warm, comforting lips on me. I slid my arms up from his forearms to around his neck and circled them, pulling myself closer. I opened my eyes to see his eyes just as wide as mine.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" I whispered. He groaned and closed his eyes briefly before opening them and looking out the window beside us.

"No…not really. I was too worried about you. I slept for about an hour or so, but I kept on looking at you and how peaceful you looked. I couldn't sleep after that." He yawned and that gave me an idea. He was still tired and he needs his sleep, and he will get it.

I patted the comforter. "Come back to bed. You still got bags under your eyes from yesterday. You've been so good at taking care of me, but it's time for me to return the favor." I moved back under the covers and rubbed the space next to me, with a smile on my face.

Jacob's sleepy grin appeared and he crawls over to me and got under the covers. I turned on my side facing the window, ready to fall back asleep knowing that this man was going to be next to me.

What Jacob does next completely caught me by surprise. He moves his arms so that they are completely wrapped around my waist and he held me to him. His face is near my ear and his breath tickled the skin there as he spoke.

"No matter what you dream about, Ren; just know that when you wake up that I'll be right next to you." I turned my head to see that his eyes caught mine and I leaned over to softly kiss his cheek, before turning back over to my side staring at the window.

I suddenly heard Jacob's snores and just laid there and listened to him sleep. I wasn't the least bit tired anymore, but ever since meeting him, I knew that I'd have to include myself for him to give in. He was the type of guy who doesn't take no for an answer.

My thoughts got deep into thinking about how I was going to find a way to get my life back on track. It wasn't like my life was already good, but it's been two years and I've been sulking and making the wrong decisions. I need to turn it around for the better.

I shifted my body so I could face Jacob's sleeping face.

_He looks so much younger when he sleeps, like a he's in his twenties not thirties. _I suddenly made up my mind that I was going to do something nice for him to show him my gratitude. I decided to get up out the bed and try to think of what I was going to do to thank him.

I slowly got up from out the bed without making a bit of stir to interrupt Jacob. He was just too cute when he was asleep and looked very comfortable. I tip-toed out the room and shutting the door leaving it cracked so it wouldn't make a sound.

There was a bathroom in my view and I was way overdue for a shower and decided to take one while I thought of a few ways to thank Jacob. I took off my underwear and stepped into the shower and turned on the water to perfect temperature and just washed everything away.

I closed my eyes and tried to let the warmth of the water take me in, when a sudden flash of my past came in and clouded my brain.

_My body was completely numb and sore and my face was wet from the tears of what he did to me. Nahuel was busy fixing his pants and dusting himself off, while I watched him in fear and disgust. He seemed more sober, but I can tell that the alcohol hadn't vanished from his system._

_He leaned over and I quickly backed away and snapped at his hand that tried to touch my face. I mean how he dare try to be gentle, when he roughly took advantage of my plea of saying no. _

"_Baby…don't be mean. I was just trying to give my girl a kiss, before I take her home. Can't I do that?" He asked as if he just made love to me, when he raped me and broke whatever chance I can see him as a good person._

"_Fuck you! Don't you ever touch me and I am not your girl!" I growled and tried to fight him off of me, but I wasn't so lucky. He placed his hand over my neck and grasped it tightly causing me to cough. _

"_Watch how you fucking talk to me. You know I can easily pop your pretty little neck off and not give two fucks that somebody can see your dead body." He breathed heavily in my face. _

_I stayed quiet and just looked at his eyes that were wild and filled with such rage. He pushed me away from him, scooped me up, and took me to the front seat. I kept my mouth closed, because looking at Nahuel now scared me and I can see him killing me if I didn't cooperate with him. _

"_Be a good girl and shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear a word come out of your mouth or I'll throw your ass in the street, and I don't want to do that." He buckled my seatbelt and got settled in his seat and started the car. _

_He didn't even buckle his seatbelt, but I didn't say a word. If we were to crash it would cause harm to him and not me. That's what this fucker deserved for what he did to me. _

_Suddenly, I noticed how fast he was going on the street. I looked out the window to see that every car we past was like vanishing and not even someone with super fast speed could see how fast he was going. _

"_Nahuel…you need to slow down before we crash!" I told him franticly. He could seriously hurt someone at the miles he was pasting. I looked over the dashboard and saw that he was reaching over 100. That was enough. _

_I did a very stupid thing and tried to stop him, while the car was in a fast motion. I fought him for the wheel, so I could take over since he was bluntly trying to kill us. My hands gripped the wheel and I kept kicking his feet so I could put mine's there and slow the car down. _

_Nahuel's face shot up fast and before I could even try to look at what's caught his attention. The sound of horns honking and bright lights came into my view, and I blacked out after that. _

My back pressed against the tile, as I silently cried throughout the rest of the shower. I kept trying to tell myself to not look back at that horrible night, but it just doesn't seem to go away. I stayed in the shower a little while longer to try to get out as much crying as I can, before getting out.

I dried myself off and suddenly remembered that I left my bag downstairs. I wrapped the huge towel around me and walked down the stairs to retrieve the bag. I took out a pair of shorts, a V-neck tee and underwear. I quickly put everything on and went downstairs to check to see what Jacob has in his cabinets and the pantry.

I stood there frozen in the kitchen as I thought back to what Nahuel did to me and how I just sat there and didn't fight. How can so much tragedy happen in one night? I sniffed and fought back the tear that were aching to fall and walked towards the pantry.

To say that Jacob didn't have any food was an understatement; it was packed all the way up to the ceiling, I hope that nothing has expired. _What does one man need all this food for anyway? _It was like feeding a family of eight for god sakes.

My eyes were caught on a certain meal that anyone could prepare, or at least I thought, Hamburger Helper. I saw the Cheesy Enchilada box and took it out and read the instructions. I walked over to the freezer and saw a pound of ground beef that was frozen solid. I pouted knowing that I would have to wait for the beef to thaw out, before cooking it.

I moved on to the fridge and was lucky to find another ground meat sitting on the top rack. _That was a coincidence… _I searched for a pan and rinsed it out and placed the meat inside the pan and turned the burner on medium. _I hope that it's not too early to cook dinner… fuck I could've made breakfast. _

Sometimes, I wonder if I ever think before doing anything. I can't believe that I jumped right into dinner, now Jacob's going to really think I've jumped off the deep end. After last night, I wouldn't be surprised that he'd want my strange ass out of his house.

I've gotten so consumed in making the dinner that I didn't even hear Jacob coming in. I looked over my shoulder to see him smile timidly at me. "So I guess we're having dinner for breakfast?" He asked with humor in his voice.

"Yeah…I'm sorry, but it was all I could think of and it sounded really good to me." I told him. I felt embarrassed to decide to cook something like this.

"No big deal, Ren. I love Cheesy Enchilada and it doesn't matter as long as we eat." He told me with a shrug. I plied up both of our plates and took them both to the island where we both ate in silence.

I was doing my best to say deeply engrossed with my meal, but without even looking I could tell that Jacob's eyes were burning a hole through my head. As I looked up, he still stared at me.

"I'm sorry…it's just I want to make sure that you're fine. Are you fine?" He asked as he absentmindly rolled up his tortilla.

I nodded, but I wasn't. That dream was so vivid and real, it was like I was living it again. Every filthy and vile touch he made still crawled all over my skin. I shivered and quickly looked up to see Jacob eating without looking at me.

There was nothing more that I wanted to do, but tell him what's wrong with me. One look at him and I know that in my 19 years, I have never felt so much trust from anyone, but Jacob. I want to open up to him and just let everything out.

It should happen, but I have no clue where to even start. I'm scared of what he'll think of me, but if a guy would let a broken stripper into his home then he'll probably listen to what I'd have to say.

The sound of Jacob's chair moving from the table caused me to look up to Jacob in front of me holding a slight smile. "You're finished?" He asked as he reached out for my now empty plate. I must have eaten everything, while I was in deep thought.

I gave him a smile and nodded and watched him take the plates to the sink and wash them. I decided right then and there that I was going to tell Jacob everything. Every single thing in my life and I wasn't going to hold anything back.

Slowly, I got out of my seat and made my way to Jacob by the counter. I was suddenly pushed back to the memory of Nahuel's voice in my ear as he repeatedly rammed himself in me.

"_One day when you find some son of a bitch that you fall for. You'll think of me, because you'll then know how much you've hurt me. I'll haunt you even as you fuck that next bastard that you love. I'll never stay out of your head!" He grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled it back and his lips were all over my neck. _

"_I'll always enjoy scaring the fuck out of you. You shouldn't have given up so quickly…" _

My eyes were filled with tears and Jacob turned around just in time to catch me, before I fell down on the marble floor. Those words he spoke felt so real and he was right, he does scare me.

"Ren? Ren, honey are you okay?" He asked frantically as he held me very close to him and I couldn't like to him any longer. I wasn't okay.

"No…no I'm not. I need to tell everything about what happened to me. From the nightmare to what caused it and to why I'm like the way you've found me. I just don't want you to change your perspective of me…"

He shook his head and lifts my chin with his finger. "I'm all ears, Ren. I won't judge you. All I want to do is help, if you'll let me?" I nodded and he pulled me closer to him and made his way to the living room. It's time I'd tell someone and get this clog out of my chest.

~;~;~;~;~

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